Guardians of Freecaster High #1
"That doesn't make any sense. You were the one who left me. You didn't care anymore."
"If I didn't care, Alexis, then why is it I can't touch another girl unless I'm imagining you?" He pushes against me, trapping me a...
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If I thought my reaction to seeing Jace covered in bandages was bad, it was nothing compared to Ms. Amy's reaction. Tears swelled in her blue eyes every time she looked at him. It was like she was mourning her son despite the fact he was alive and well on the couch. She didn't ask many questions though, not in front of me. It made me wonder if she knew about his secrets. The temptation to ask her was unbearable, but I kept my mind off of it by tending to Jace.
He tried to refuse the help, said he was fine. He was still trying to push me away, I could feel it in the guarded way he looked at me.
Maybe Jace was right. How much of him pulling away can I really handle? How long would it take before enough is enough?
I don't know, hell, I don't even fully understand this need to not give up. Especially after the other night outside of the club. I was ready to walk away then. The thought of Jace keeping things from me, of him not trusting me, it felt like too much. But the idea of him pushing me away out of some misguided sense of duty feels worse. The defeated look on his face is more than I can handle.
Maybe I wasn't ready to fight for us that night, but after seeing him beaten both physically and mentally, I can't just walk away. I can't prove him right and let him believe whatever horrible thoughts he has about himself. No matter what his secrets are, there's no way they're bad enough for him to look at himself in that kind of light.
Right?
Monday morning, Ms. Amy instructed Jace to stay home for the week. She said he needed to heal and I agreed. He wasn't happy about it but he didn't fight us either.
It's been a few days since then. A few days of Jace detaching himself from me. Of me trying not to lose hope. The one shred of light in all of this is Jace's birthday tomorrow. He says he doesn't want to celebrate but Ms. Amy isn't having any of it. Apparently, her sister isn't either. She's taken it upon herself to throw Jace a birthday dinner at her home. The whole family is going to be there, and after today, being around family could be just what he needs. I'm just not sure that includes me.
While I sit in the library for study hall, trying desperately to focus on my work, Jace and Ms. Amy are at the funeral of a family friend who passed away over the weekend. I don't know much about what happened but the sorrowful looks on their faces when I left this morning are enough. It makes me wonder how my mom and Carl are holding up with their own loss.
I should call Mom later, it's been a while. And if I'm being honest, I miss her.
With a deep sigh, I close my book, giving up on trying to cram the information for tomorrow's test in my head. What I need more than anything right now is to clear my mind. Just forget about everything.
I stuff my things in my bag and walk out of the library to aimlessly wander the halls. With Jace and everyone at the funeral, this is the first time my school's felt like it did before the merge, to me at least. It's crazy to think about everything that's happened since then. I was so sure the added tension of Westcounty joining would create issues with everyone. But I was wrong. There are still those that don't get a long but for the most part, everyone seems to be blending naturally.
