Just a Friend

three.

I guess we've warmed up a little bit, because he looks over at me and smiles. He says something about my eyes being pretty, and I giggle out a meager "Thanks".

Unexpectedly, he does the classic fake yawn and loops his  muscly right arm over my shoulder and around my neck. He starts to rub the end of my shoulder with his big hands. We always used to sit like this, and it never felt strange. 

But that was before we had birthdays that added 'teen' to the end of our age, before we grew into our bodies that made us look much older, before we stopped hanging out. It was only recently when he added me on Snapchat and decided to ask if I wanted to come over. We have one of those friendships that no longer how long we spend apart, we'd always be able to come back to each other.

I let my head fall onto his chest and over his soft heartbeat. I missed you, I thought to myself.

"I missed you too," he said, tilting his head to look at my face. My eyes widen, realizing I totally just said that out loud. I smile, to cover up the fact that I didn't mean to admit that. He continues to massage my shoulder and starts to use his fingers to play with my hair. 

If we've always been close before, why is it so different now? I still feel safe with him, but I can't seem to understand why I'm feeling so many butterflies right now.

I shake my head as if to shake away the weird thoughts, and reach for his left arm. I intertwine my fingers with his warm hand. I pull his wrist up a bit and compare our hands to each other, laughing a bit.

"What?" he asks defensively. "Nothing! Your hands are just, really," I rush to say.

"Big?" he offers.

"Yeah, big," I smile, biting my lip. I don't even notice that I did that.

He separates his hand from mine and reaches over to my cheek, forcefully turning my head to look at him. He leaves it there for what feels like forever, and then tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"It was in your face," he said, nonchalantly. 

I tilt my head downward. That small action he just made sent a wave of feelings down my spine and caused my brain to run around in circles, silently.

I've got two heartbeats now.

Yes.

My literal heartbeat

and 

my heartbeat, all the way,

down.

There.

Fuck!