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Sugawara Koshi

                    
  (TRIGGER WARNING!! Mentions of Self harm, do not go any further if you do not want to read such content. )

Edited.. I hate how I wrote this before, I made it so it isn't too um.. like detailed. But still trigger warning.

     "Koshi.." you whispered his name through the phone, knowing very well he can hear your sobs.

"Baby, what's wrong? It's two in the morning.." he yawned, turning his lamp on.

"I did it again. I really tried not to this time but the urge.. ugh." You bit your lip trying not to be too loud.

"Y/n, you told me you would stop. What made you do it again?" He sighed, getting out of his bed.

"Koshi.. I'll tell you ok? But can we talk in person please. I'm shaking too much to hold my phone properly and I-.. I just really can't think straight." You wiped at the flowing tears going down your cheeks, trying to calm yourself.

"Fuck... ok yea, give me a minute, I'm coming." He hung up and threw on some clothes.

He ran his hand through his hair as he rushed around his room grabbing things that he'd need.

He grabbed an extra pair of clothes and he grabbed some candy from his dresser. He looked around to see if there would be anything he missed as he shoved the clothes in his bag.

"Oh.. there." He grabbed the teddy bear he bought you when he came back from training camp planning on giving that to you when he saw you later today.

He grabbed his keys and quietly snuck out the house. Since you didn't live really far from him he would just walk. You lived maybe a block away. Not much to walk.

Once he finally got to your house he texted you saying he was here.

You quickly left your room and walked to the front door. You unlocked it and shoved your face into his warm chest.

He wrapped his arms around you and placed a kiss on your head.

His kisses felt heavenly on your skin.

You pulled away and walked him to your room, opening the door to reveal a messy space.

Sugawara didn't mind.

He knew when you'd have breakdowns, you would throw things around your room, break things and such. He would just clean it up after you've fallen asleep.

You two sat on your bed in silence for a bit until Suga spoke up,

"Can I see your arms?" He asked you, slowly reaching out for them.

You nodded and grabbed some stuff from the stuff and tossing it to him.

He grabbed the alcohol wipes and rolled up your sleeve.

He sighed and kissed the very top of your wrist where it'd meet your palm.

Other scars were there.. though not much. Maybe four. They were at least a year old though.

Sugawara gently wiped at the remaining blood on your arm. You kept wincing here and there, but you sat still for him.

Once he was done he wrapped it and taped it so it would stay.

He looked up at your watery eyes and wiped your face with his sleeve.

He then placed a kiss on your full brown lips and caressed your cheek. You kissed back, placing your hands on his shoulders.

He pulled away and lifted your chin up. "So do you mind telling me what happened?"

You rolled your eyes and pushed him away biting at your fingernails.

"I don't feel like enough anymore. Suga i- I need some sort of validation. Like.. I feel all alone right now. Everyone is busy nowadays and has no time for me."

"Like everyone is just... slipping away and we're going to graduate too? Like holy shit. You're busy, Mom is busy, my brother is in college.. it's like I don't want to bother you guys because you have so much a-ahead of you.." Your breath cracked and you couldn't hold back some of the tears that fell from your face.

"And- and I know that prob-probably so-sounds selfish of me and I'm sorry.. but—"Sugawara wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back.

"Slow down... Breathe. It's not selfish at all, Doll." He cooed in your ear.

"Koshi, I just don't know what to do.. I can't explain how I feel. It's too much and my heart hurts, I feel like im going to throw up and- and.." you shut your eyes tight, trying to stop tears from flowing.

"I did something last night that I really would've regret. But I'm glad I didn't you know.." you leaned your head onto his shoulder, feeling his arms around you tighten.

"I'm glad too... I'm still upset though. I don't want to think of you not being here. You need to talk to me or someone more experienced with this more, y/n."

"I'll improve! Koshi, I'll improve ok? I want to.. it's just hard sometimes.. I'll get better." You looked up and stared at his face.

He was visibly upset and you knew you were the reason for that. He was worried and he didn't want you going through stuff like this.

"Pinky promise me." He smiled slightly holding his pinky up.

You giggled at the childish act and held your pinky up too.

"Pinky promise.." he laced your pinky's together and you smiled.

You leaned your head back against his chest.

You felt slightly better.. tired and drained but glad you got to talk to your lover.

"Thank you..." he whispered into your ear as you felt your eyelids droop and your pinky's still intertwined.

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Umm... I didn't realize how deep this shit was when I first wrote it.. I'm vv sorry 😭 it's edited so it isn't too like.. detailed. I don't want to cause anyone problems because of something being too personal for you or it feels too much.

You're very much loved and you don't need to feel alone. Lots of people experience certain things/feelings and can relate to you. If you ever need help or someone to talk to, reach out to Someone ok? It's never good to bottle something up.