𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲 ~ 𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧

will you stop time?

tw//depression/ed talk

As school slowly passes by, the few maths lesson you've had in that time allow you to find out that he recently transferred from the city because of his dad's work and that he's never been in a public school before. Psfh, a private school snob , you muttered to yourself one day. You and your friends had always discussed how everyone from private schools tended to be very rich and stuck up. You're not sure though, he seemed to be more... different. The way he would stare into your eyes like you were the only person in the room even though you were just explaining some dumb maths question. You couldn't help it but he was attractive. However, you never found college boys from your prefecture worth it. Too immature, you'd tell yourself. You always wanted something special, more than just a dumb relationship that inevitably would see ends in no time. You always had a way of thinking about everything way too deeply, as if someone saying they hated their life meant they were going through some dark times. Maybe thats because you were and were searching for someone to understand.

You'd always been sort of sad, it was an underlying feeling you always had. For the most part, you'd be numb but also empty. It was an exhausting existence. as well as this, it was autumn. The worst time. For some reason it was like you had some sort of seasonal depression and it always sprung up your past dieting ways. It was never a bad sort of disordered eating, you just sometimes felt so repulsed by yourself you refused to eat or would over workout even though you hated doing it. 

As you got to school that day, you were already not having it. Nothing had gone wrong, no big scary problem. Just life ~ Existing seemed like it was going to be hard today. No maths, You notice as you look at your timetable. You sigh~ being in maths next to jimin was always a good distraction from your mind. As the day slowly passed, you felt worse. You felt as if you were being isolated by your own friends. You'd always had friends but they never seemed to care much. "You okay?" they'd ask, multiple times a day. You'd always nod and yet for some reason you never wanted to tell them how you truly felt. Possibly because the few people you had roughly told didn't so much as take it to heart and want to help, they just agreed and went back to their own self centred conversations. It was all worthless. Why talk to someone when they wouldn't do anything, just pity you?

"Y/n?" You hear a quiet voice from behind you. The voice sounded sweet, calming. You turned around and were faced with him, his strawberry blonde hair reflecting the sunlight off the top of his head. He was wearing these round black glasses today, you didn't know he needed them. You didn't want to speak to him today, especially if it was going to be about something superficial, you were too in your own head to focus on the outside world for too long. "I was hoping you could show me where this teachers class is? I've never heard of them before and I didn't know who to ask." 

God. His small smile forming at the sides of his mouth was enough to make you melt. The empty feeling inside started to feel warm, even just for a second. "Um... I would but I just don't have the time right now," you lie - you couldn't face having to pretend to be all fine around him and at the same time you didn't want him to know how you truly face. Your poker face wasn't very good already today.

Jimin looked deflated. "Are you sure?" He looked up at you from the step below you and it felt like he was staring into your soul. 

For some reason, all you wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry to him, expressing every feeling you'd had recently. But you knew you couldn't. are you dumb? you say to yourself, do you want everyone to know how weak you are? 

Jimin gently takes a hold of you're wrist and you quickly snap it away, unsure of his reasoning for his actions. "Look I really can't right now, okay?" You quickly build up your guard, wanting to leave as soon as possible. It hurt too much to want to tell him but you knew it would be too much. Too soon. 

I mean, seriously? You want him to know how you feel already? You barely know him - you harshly remind yourself. Hurt, Jimin starts to walk away and you feel the tears prick your eyes. It's for the best, he doesn't want to get caught up in your problems. 

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jimins pov

Its been a week. A week since I spoke to her. Could time go any slower? Ever since that incident on the stairs, she's all I've thought about. That sad, alone look in her eyes. I've had that before. I know what thats like. All I wanted to do was help. How do I make this right? she hasn't spoken to me virtually at all in maths since and other than her, I don't know anyone else properly in this school. I'm still the mysterious new guy. Do I even know her? 

I need to talk to her, hold her. Anything I can do, I want to do for her. 

The next day, I see her around school. She looks so defeated. I can't believe she thought I wasn't going to notice that kind of look. I've seen it in myself. God, I am so stupid. Why didn't I hold her arm longer? I could've beaten that weak pull away. Then maybe she'd have known I understood.

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[ a/n ] hi! this is the second chapter omg,,, it was gonna be longer but i decided to save that for next chapter. i went WAY further into y/n's psyche than i thought i was going to. this is turning out way better than i thought it would since i haven't written before,,, also just for personal reference today is jimins birthday!! <3 also promise is my favourite song right now jsyk xoxo      ok thanks see u next timeeee