Chad Gadya

I Teach a Whale How to Flirt

    Traveling by whale was not a first-class experience. First of all, the whale nearly beached itself. We had to get into the water and help it swim backwards. Then, it opened its wide mouth and asked us to step on in.

     I took one look at the creature's tongue and shook my head. "No can do," I said.

      "It's free transportation," my mother pointed out.

     "I'm sure there is a pretty good reason for that," I said.

    I turned to Marzipan. "Won't you back me up on this?"

    She was wrapped around Alexandros' neck and peered down on me. "Don't defy fate; just get into the whale's mouth."

     "Jonah was swallowed by a whale as a punishment," I whined. "Why are we receiving the same treatment? The worst thing I did this year was write 'school is for schmucks' in the bathroom stall."

     At this, water spouted our from the whale's blowhole. "Just get in," my mother said.

    She was the first to clamber in, ducking her head and then crawling on in. My heart beat in my throat like a grogger. "Mother?" I called. "Are you alright?"

     "It's warm in here," she said, her voice echoing. "A bit damp, but fine."

"I still think this is a bad idea," I muttered, but no one paid heed to my words.

Alexandros was the next to climb in, ducking and then sliding down the creature's throat. Next, Marzipan nimbly landed on the whale's tongue and skirted down. Kuni followed her.

"Come on, why are you waiting?"

Despite the water around my legs, I jumped. The whale had spoken. You would think after making a creature of clay and having your goat spout the words of God, I would get used to strangeness, but I wasn't. Each new thing I learned of this fantastical world pushed the borders of my imagination.

"You speak?" I asked, addressing the whale.

"I speak dozens of languages," the whale replied. "Whale, dolphin, sea turtle, otter, dog, even plenty of human tongues."

"You're not swallowing me as a punishment?" I asked, still nervous about the whole idea.

The whale blew from its blowhole again, its own version of a sigh. "Whales only carry quest-goers. It was a whale-shark who swallowed Jonah."

    "Alright," I finally said.

    The whale reopened its mouth I climbed in. The whale's tongue was warm and sticky. Its mouth stank of sea brine and fish. The moistness of the air made the pungent smell even more oppressive. It clung to my nostrils like sheep's wool caught against thistles.

      It was dark, but the voices of my friends welcomed me. "Breina!" my mother said, hugging me.

     Her touch was like candlelight: soft and warm and inviting. I let myself be relaxed because I knew the alternative was running up the whale's throat and demanding a refund. That would not be the smartest course of action.

      "Alexandros, have you travelled by whale before?" I asked.

     "I have not," they said.

      In the darkness, I couldn't read the expressions on anyone's face or see the movements in their limbs. Yet, I could hear things like the excitement in Alexandros' voice like a sail fluttering in the wind. "You're happy to be traveling in the stomach of a whale?" I asked.