Inside My Brain

Depression

You wake up in a dark, desolate, and cold setting. Sitting up you look around, the silence is deafening the only sound is your breathing. "Hello?" You call out wondering if you were truly alone on this abysmal plain of existence. Fully up on your feet know you start to wander around.

You can't recall how long you have been venturing this darkened landscape, hours, days, months, years even? Hoping someday you'll make it out of here is the only thing motivating you to keep moving. You've now grown used to the feelings which your surroundings provide. Your skin has become numb due to the chill of the abyss. Eyes, have adapted to the darkness surrounding yourself that you can now see your hands in front of your face. Ears, deafened by the silence. Throat, sore from the lack of use. Heart, throbbing due to the undeniable sense of loneliness deep inside.

"Isn't lovely, all alone?" A sudden voice questions. Looking around you searching for the owner of the voice. Your ears couldn't decipher if the voice was a whisper, or a yell that echoed in the emptiness. Still it held a certain familiarity to it, keeping your head spinning with questions.

Hope suddenly warming your dying heart. Finally, someone is here. I'm not alone anymore, they can help me find a way out of this place! "H-hello?" You choke out, mouth wicked of all its moisture. Silence is what answered your query. Knowledgeable of your surroundings you keep your senses heightened, preparing for them to talk again. You again fall into your routine for who knows how long...

Far off in the distance you see something illuminate. At first the light sets you aback. Stopping in your seemingly endless trot, eyes aching from the light's brilliance. You're brain tries to comprehend the intrusion. The more you draw near you start to gain awareness of certain feelings. Those of warmth, happiness, and contentment radiate from the light.

"A window?" throat burning from the disuse of your voice. Placing your hands on the pane glancing outside, your eyes focus on the sight. Hope once again ignited your heart, you saw people walking by the window. Banging against the translucent surface trying to gain a passerby's notice. "Help!" You holler to them, but unfortunately no one even realizes you're there. Time was once again a mystery when you wondered how long you had been reaching out for help. Resting your forehead against the warm glass exhausted, you couldn't help the instant parade of desperate tears cascading down your face. The trails causing pinpricks due to the climate. "I thought I found a way-" Voice giving out due to the emotional stress caused by this experience. "I thought I found a way out!" Your scream echoed around you.

The sound of footsteps resounded behind you. Turning around you are faced with a child around six years of age. This child seems familiar to you, but your can't explain why. Kneeling down to be eye level with the child, "Who are you?" You questioned while looking over said child. Noticing now that the child had tear rolling town their cheeks. Eyes desperately looking into your own for something, they are looking for help. Realizing their eyes mirror your own you wish to end their suffering. As you reach out to try and console the poor child everything turns dark once again.

"Hey! Kid where are you?" You yell out hoping for the child to answer. When you receive no response you run trying to find the child. Continuously yelling out for the child while running you stop short. Hunched over trying to recoup before searching the darkness for the little one again.

You take a step forward, pain. Pain is all you feel. Collapsing, you realize you didn't hit solid ground, but a liquid surface. Slowly sinking you try and kick to the surface, but your ankles feel like they have knives digging in them. You arms try to rise you, but it's like they have no muscle to aid in your efforts. You feel like you're being torn to pieces, skin to bone, muscle to tendon, heart to mind. Accepting your supposed imminent demise you just let the liquid pull you further into its grasp.

You sit up gasping for breath, noticing there is what seems to be a single spotlight on your form. Having gained back your senses, you hear a muffled sob. Turning your head you see a small silhouette curled up in a solitary corner. "Kid? Is that you?" Crawling towards the dim lit figure the child shows their tear stained face. The child reaches for you desperately, "It hurts!" They sobbed out, instantly you take them into your hold.

Shushing the child as you stroked their head, while rocking them back and forth. You realize the child is as cold as you are. Pulling back you analyze the child's face whipping away several tears as you did so. "Where does it hurt?" You ask hoping to ease the child's pain. "Here," the child puts one hand on top of their head. "And here." They place the other on their chest over their heart. Realizing your couldn't physically help them you deeply embraced them once again. "I'm sorry, I hurt there too." You apologize, voice breaking. It seems while trying to console the child, your inner pain decided to make itself known. Allowing yourself to indulge in the comfort of another you let your sorrow win and started to sob, holding the child closer to you.

After you and the child exhausted yourselves from expelling your suffering, you both sat there in each other's embrace. The child started to pull away from the embrace, when they did you both looked at each other. You soon come to the realization the the child is actually you. "Do you think we'll ever feel better?" Your younger self asks. "I don't know." They nod and go back to embracing you. Comforted that you aren't all alone here you accept the small warmth. It keeps you grounded, sane in a sense. Wrapping your arms around them you close you're eyes. Drifting away into oblivion.