Falling Slowly

xi. her

saturday, january tenth, two thousand fifteenth

• • •

"belle-"
her mother tried to say,
but she didn't want
to get up.
"you're going to be late."

• • •

she rolled over,
blocking out her
mother's petite figure,
trying to shake the
concerned look on
her mom's face
out of her head.

• • •

"you were so happy,"
her mother whispered brokenly.
"what happened?"

• • •

"a trigger."
she explained,
her voice thick with sleep.
all she did was
sleep nowadays.
at least when her eyes were shut,
she didn't think.

• • •

her mother was silent
before her hands shook
her daughter gently.
"please. just go today.
maybe it will help.
music always helps."

the girl closed her eyes,
a pain in her head.
"that's the thing mom,
music's the trigger."

• • •

it took coaxing
in the form of
pleading and
guilt-tripping
to make her go
to the school of rock.

• • •

she sat in the passenger's seat,
staring out into the alleyway
that held the entrance
to her former haven,
now her prison.
she was an hour late.

• • •

when she finally
pushed open the doors
to the school,
her guitar limp in one hand,
she felt like she was
dragging herself.

• • •

"good morni-"
judy started to say,
but was stopped
by the disheveled appearance
and the bleary eyes,
and the bags underneath,
and the bandages barely
peeking out from
under her long sleeved shirt.

• • •

without another word,
she pushed past the doors,
took the stairs,
and she was in hell.

• • •

"you're late,"
derek reprimanded,
stopping the rehearsal.
everyone's eyes were on her.
she felt even worse than before.
she fought the urge
to walk back downstairs,
and never return.

• • •

her show manager
beckoned her over.
she slowly made her way,
passing by him as she did,
which made her
quicken her pace instead.

• • •

derek had to tilt his head down,
in order to meet her gaze.
he said, "because you weren't
here last week--"
she winced.
"you don't know about
the new changes."

"new changes?"

"due to family complications,
mikayla won't be able to do
you got a friend with you."

• • •

she held her breath.
that was the only song
in which she had
a guitar duet,
with just one another person.
where she got
to immerse herself
slowly in the music.
where her talents could shine.

• • •

"and so I picked se-"
she almost dropped
her guitar case.

• • •