Invisible

Introduction

Hey there, i'm Sav. I am currently 19, going on 85. I suffer from Ankylosing Spondylitis, chronic fatigue, scoliosis, and some terrible, unspecified stomach issues that are driving me to the point of insanity. I know that there are people out there that have it worse than me, but my life is slowly becoming a shit show. Let me tell you, just writing this introduction is making me exhausted, but that's how every day is for me. I've been to the ER more times than I can count. I'll be honest, I'd go in feeling like I'm on the verge of death and I'd walk out feeling like an idiot. Whether it be that my intestines felt like they exploded, leaking poison into my stomach, my appendix pretending like it had just ruptured, my body not being able to hold itself upright anymore, having the feeling of a bleeding ulcer, or even simply thinking that I was about to see God soon. That's the thing, the reason why I thought that I was an idiot. Notice how I used the word "felt" a lot or the phrase "feeling like." I never had a serious issue that needed medical attention immediately whenever I'd go into the ER. Instead, I just wasted everyone's time and spent a lot of unnecessary money. I've had a lot of people in my life say these things to me:

"You just need to exercise."

"You need a new diet."

"Try a new schedule."

"You're a hypochondriac."

"Take some Ibuprofen."

"There's nothing wrong with you."

"It's all in your head."

"You're psyching yourself into feeling like crap."

"You're always tired."

"You're constantly sick."

No shit Karen, that's because I'm at an endless war with my body. That's exactly what this is, a war. The list could go on for ages, I've heard a lot of b.s in my lifetime. It'll always be that way though, and no, I'm not being 'negative.' People will never understand what I, as well as many other people out there, feel like and go through on a daily basis, but that's okay. It's a never ending cycle, there's no cure, I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. But you know what? Bring it on. I've been feeling scrappy lately, so let's fight.