Alexithymia

Chapter one: Her first day of school

Chasity's POV

I woke up to the sound of my soft alarm singing in the background.

I sat up rubbing my eyes yawning. I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't excited. So many opportunities yet to unfold. I threw my legs onto the side of my bed. My hands instantly went roaming for my round framed glasses.

I muster up the courage and got out of bed and walk to the dresser. I hesitate before I looked at my reflection.

When I looked at my eyes they were a constant reminder that I was not normal neither special. All I saw in them were two empty grey round orbs with no spark to them. My cheekbones are becoming more prominent as ever. I sigh as I run my fingers through my tangled frizzy curly hair. Reaching for a nearby hair tie to put my hair in a small messy bun.

"You can do this, you'll make ton of friends, you'll prove that bitch of a therapist wrong" I tried reassuring myself.
I sighed as I made my way to my bathroom, grabbing my towel off of my closet doors.

After my shower I started getting dressed. I had already prepared an outfit. I picked out a black flare leggings with a white tank top and a black cardigan over it. For shoes I wore my white air forces. I also paired the outfit with diamond earrings, puka shell necklace and bracelet.

I also applied some foundation to conceal my bags and dark spots from acne scars.

I took a glance in my mirror liking what I saw. My face cracked a smile, something I practiced many days leading up to this one. It felt so empty yet looked so natural.

I grabbed my school bag, my phone and AirPods.

After I got dressed I walked down the stairs to see my mom in the kitchen making me and her breakfast. I walked over to tell her "good morning." She greeted me with a smile that I forced back.

She made me what she thought was still my favorite 'pancakes with honey whip cream and a peanut butter jelly sandwich with coffee on the side.'

I took the plate from her and muttered a "thank you."

She nodded grabbing her coffee taking a seat in front of me.

I scraped the honey and whip cream off of the pancake and it ate bare.

"Are you exci- looking forward to today?"
She corrected herself.

I looked up at her before saying "yeah but it's kind of intimidating to think about."

She nodded before taking a sip.

"It was like that for me too, but I got through, if I could you could too" she said giving me a reassuring look.

I looked down not saying anything. It was as if the world could tell it was getting awkward, because I got a text message from my best friend Emma stating that she was outside.

When I finished eating I washed my plate then I grabbed my keys, asthma pump, and notified my mom that I was leaving. She barely was home. Since Dad died she blamed herself for me having Alexithymia.

As I walked out I saw Emma with the widest grin on her face. I couldn't help but wonder what was so funny as I slid in the passenger seat and gave her a questioning look. She didn't say anything but once in a while glance in my direction.

"I'm so excited" she squealed loudly.

"Me tooooo" I said imitating her excitement.

She smiled like a Cheshire Cat.

"We're going to go to prom, hoco, get you a manz, go to parties and all that jazz. Promise me we'll do this together"

I nodded holding out my pinky, which she gladly intertwined with hers.