Shakespeare's Rolling in his Grave. Probably.

As You Like It?! Hermione!

The four teens from the compartment and Draco woke up in a forest.

"Hermione, what did you do?!" Ginny asked hysterically.

Hermione got up. "What did I do? You were the one waving that book around, Ginny. Now, let's just see which story we're in."

Ginny looked at the book. "The title's changed. 'As You Like It?' Please tell me its not the story where everyone dies."

Draco smiled. "No, it's not Hamlet. Actually, I don't know that much about Shakespeare. Hermione?"

Hermione sighed. "It makes sense that it's 'As You Like It'. Basically, its the story of an exiled nobleman living in the woods with his friends. His daughter remains at the castle, a companion to her cousin, the new lord's daughter. The first nobleman's daughter, Rosalind, falls in love with a visiting knight, Orlando, but she and her cousin run off into the woods when the new lord banishes Rosalind. Celia, the cousin, is dressed like a girl, but Rosalind is dressed like a boy. While they are living in the forest in a cottage, who should they meet but Orlando, who Rosalind reprimands for writing love poems to her all over the trees. Of course, he doesn't know its her, and she tells him she'll cure him of his love by letting him talk it out. Then, his older brother Oliver, who forced him out in the first place shows up, and Orlando saves his life from a lioness, leading to Oliver's repetenance, and he magically becomes a good guy. He falls in love with Celia in her disguise, and they agree to get married. Everything ends happily, and... yeah." They all nodded.

"So, who's Orlando?" Ginny asked.

"Last time, someone just shows up, and tells you who you are." Hermione said.

Ginny sighed. "Her- Celia... what just happened?!"

"That happens too." Draco said.

Ginny sighed. "Okay, so you're Celia... so who am I?"

"Rosalind... I guess that answers that question." Harry said, sitting down next to her.

Hermione looked thoughtful. "Odd. Oliver... well, that was expected. Oliver and I could call each other our names from Hogwarts. If we were talking about Hogwarts, we could use everyone's names."

Ron groaned. "So, you get married twice, Celia?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, Ro- Adam."

Everyone cocked their heads. "Who's Adam?" Ginny asked.

Hermione sighed. "Orlando's really old servant who goes with him into the woods."

"Wait, so if he's Adam, you're Celia, she's Rosalind, he's Oliver, I'm-?" Harry asked.

"Well, Ha- Orlando... that was expected."

Ron glared at Harry. "If you so much as touch my sister, I'll-"

"Please, Adam. I'd be more worried about the poor trees." Draco scoffed.

Hermione nodded, then looked down at what she was wearing, then looked at what Ginny and the boys were wearing. "I don't think-" Then they were gone.

When Hermione and Ginny woke up, they were each on a bed in a stately room.

"Where are we?!" Ginny panicked.

Hermione sat up, and looked around. "I believe we are in a castle. It looks just like our dormitory, but fancier and with less beds."

Ginny sighed. "Fine. But if this place is modeled like Hogwarts, where is everybody?"

Hermione thought for a moment. "Maybe in the Great Hall?"

Ginny nodded. "Speaking of Shakespeare... you and Malfoy, hey I said it! Anyway, speaking of Shakespeare, yes, you two would be good in Romeo and Juliet... but what about 'All's Well that Ends Well'? I really only know those two."

Hermione sighed. "Yes, I suppose so... but Montague and Capulet are like Slytherin and Gryffindor, Gin. Hm. I think it only works when two people are together... hm. Let's go find Harry." They headed down to the Great Hall, where, sure enough, Harry was wrestling, and Ron was watching nervously on the sidelines.

Finally, Harry bested his opponent, and then Hermione took Ginny over to talk to him. "Good sir, my cousin admired your wrestling... and I just can't say it like this. Orlando, good job, you worried us both sick, you're my best friend. And an idiot." She whacked him on the back of his head.

"Ow! Celia! It's not my fault, okay? Out of nowhere, this guy just says, 'okay, you're going to wrestle the Incredible Hulk. Good luck, you might survive.' and before I know it, I'm battling for my life!"

Ginny smiled at him shyly. "I think he was battling for his life. You gave him a pretty good beating." Hermione nodded, approving, and went over to Ron.

"I hate this story, 'Mione! I hate Shakespeare! Wait, I just called you 'Mione!"

Hermione nodded. "Two people together from Hogwarts... well, you know what I mean, enables them to use each other's real names. And which story do you hate more? The one where your best friend marries your sister, or the one where your other best friend marries your worst enemy?"

Ron glared at her. "Both. And you marry him in this one too."

Hermione shrugged. "At least I don't commit suicide, fake or not, in this one."

Ron snorted. "Why not? You changed the last one. Why not this one?"

Hermione glared at him. "I changed the last one so less people died, Ron. And no one dies in this one. It is a comedy. And anyway, he only comes in at the last few scenes or so."

Ron nodded begrudgingly. "Fine, fine. But I find it ironic. He's saved from a lioness."

"So?" Hermione asked.

Ron leaned back against the wall. "Nothing."

Hermione glared at him. "Are you implying something about my marriage, Ronald Bilius Weasley?"

Ron grinned at her. "No, not at all, 'Mione. But if he needs Harry to save him from a lioness, and Gryffindor's house symbol is a lion, and you're a girl..."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "First of all, I'm not sure what part of that sentence is stupider. Obviously I am a girl and Gryffindor's symbol is a lion. But more importantly, you think he will need Harry's help to get away from me. So now I'm debating whether I should punch you. I'm sure Krum would give me some tips." She pointed her thumb back over her shoulder at Viktor Krum, Harry's opponent.

Ron glared at her. "Go ahead. Go talk to Viktor. But let me tell you one thing; you're married now."

Hermione slapped him. "How dare you! How dare you suggest I would be unfaithful to my husband in any possible way! I pretended to commit suicide, rather than marry you and be unfaithful! So before you go around making any accusations, look at where we're both standing in terms of relationships. And then consider how much my nerves are frayed. I just got out of a Shakespeare story, and now I'm back in one?! My mind feels like I've been gone for a few weeks, and Harry's been dead for most of that. Now, suddenly, he's alive again, and God knows what else is wrong with my life! My husband is gone -again- and you're the most insensitive brute I've ever met!" She hissed.

Ron rubbed his cheek. "Funny, that. Your huband's gone again. Do you think he'll make a habit of it, maybe? You know, you spending most of your marriage at home after Hogwarts, maybe minding a kid or two. And you know what? If that does happen, don't come crying to me. You're the one who married Malfoy."

"And you're the one who I thought was my best friend! But you aren't even insulting him, he's just like, 'oh, he's married to Hermione now' in your mind, but you are going out of your way to insult your best friend, who's known your for years. Suddenly, Draco is somewhat okay in your eyes, but for marrying him, I get the ulitmate punishment of your advice, and opinions. Don't get me wrong, I want you and Draco to get along, I really, really do, but if this is some effort to break us up, I swear Ron, I will choose him over you in a heartbeat. And I promise you, I won't look back, and I will never regret it."

Ron shook his head slowly. "It's like I don't know you anymore, 'Mione." He said.

Hermione stiffened. "Then you never really did."