PAINFUL

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《I think we were meant to be, But we just did it wrong》

                 _______________________

'Do i love her' I keep on asking myself while letting the rain soak my body.

I look like a mess right now, my eyebags are visible, my lips are chapped and my clothes are all wet.

I sigh again for a hundred time. I'm at the Plays Park right now. Earlier I text Jennie the one who s making me crazy the one I like since were young.

I kissed her once, but we were drunk, both intoxicated by the alcohol, when we woke up I tried to open the topic, but she just said to me

'Let's just forget it' And shouted at me saying

'THAT NEVER HAPPENED'

I was hurt by those words, but she just shrugged it off while rolling her eyes.

Meet me at the Plays Park

She still didn't reply at my text, but i'm still waiting for her telling myself that maybe she's just feeding her dogs cub and kuma, maybe she's on her way stuck on traffic, or maybe she doesn't really want to see me, I have a lot of reasons on my mind, but she's already 4 hours late, my question

'DO I LOVE HER ?' change to

'WILL SHE COME ?' my eyes start to get teary.

It's storming right now, I'm scared sometimes my anxiety will just kick in,

I remember when I was young I had an insomia and Jennie is always there to keep me calm, to make me feel safe, to make me sleep peacefully, but now she's not here, when we were at school

I admitted to her that I like her, but since then she ignore me and didn't go to school, ignoring my text and calls it's been exactly 3 months since I last saw her, I stood up from the bench that I've been sitting for ths last five hours, my legs feels numb so is my heart

I keep on walking, my tears are falling colliding with the nonstop rain, biting my lips preventing myself to not cry, but it just keep on falling,

While a wind blows hard, my skin having goosebumps, i shiver because of the coldness hugging myself,

I safely cross the street looking at my left and right to make sure there's no car coming, reaching the handle of the car as i sit,

Looking at the phone if there's reply, still no reply

I cry even more tasting the sour liquid from my eyes, punching the steering wheel, my hand on the wheel and my other hand clutching the soft cotton that I'm wearing, under it is my chest leaving a bruise, I shut my eyes off, my tears flowing nonstop. I slowly let go of my shirt calming myself as i drove off.

I got home safely, walking straight to my room, ignoring my parents as they called for me, when i reach my room i slowly fall on the matress, as the tiredness drown myself slowly closing my eyes.

-------------------

Flashback

I was running down the hallway while a body bump into me letting her books fell, i was gonna skip class that's why i have no books

I help her to stand up, holding her soft, warm, hand as she mouthed 'thank you' or her voice is really low for me to hear,

"Sorry" I said squatting to reach for her last book standing up properly, I hand over her books to her, looking at her black feline eyes, she took the books putting it on her bag

Brushing her fingers with mine, sending me shivers down my spine, my heart beating so fast as we stare at each other, like we were the only people on the hallway, our stare break a minute after,

"Umm Sorry" I said while scratching my nape,

"It's fine it's not your fault" she reply shyly flashing a gummy smile, melting me softly, she fake cough to get my attention,

"My name is Lisa" I said while offering my hand

"Jennie" she gladly accept my hand then the bell rang since then we became friends bestfriends even better, we became partners in crime

J
ennie always tell me her secrets, problems, even her crushes, our parents meet and then we realize that we know each other back then, we were childhood friends and we always play at

Plays Park

-----
End of Flashback

_____

Lisa

I feel dizzy as i open my eyes, i saw a white ceiling then look at my surrounding.

Jennie's parents is in here talking with my parents 'But why' i ask myself.

'Why are they here' Are they here because of me? But why aren't you here I was cut off my thoughts when your sister spoke.

"She's awake" Jisoo said, they all turn to me.

"How are you feeling?"
"Do you need something sweetie?" My mother and father ask the same time.

"I'm fine" I lie as i smile a fake one. I saw them look at me with a worried expression on their eyes.

"Why are you all here" i ask changing the topic before they ask anything.

"I was about to go to your house, but your mother said your in the hospital too" Mrs. Kim said.

I furrow my brows of what she said "In the hospital too?" I ask repeatedly while my mother help me to sit properly, my back on the headboard.

"Are you sick too auntie?" I ask worriedly, she shook her head almost crying.

"I-it's about J-jennie" she said stuttering.

"What about her?"i ask coldly adverting my eyes on the window looking at the peaceful scene closing my eyes.

No one spoke as the room fell silent. I was waiting for a reply, but what caught my attention was the sob that i hear. So i turn my face to look at them, looking at them one by one they all have teary eyes. It's so awkward to see adults crying.

"What happened, why are you all crying?" I ask frowning

Mrs. Kim clear her throat "She is gone Lisa, she's-" she coudn't continue what she was saying, she burst into tears.

"Who's gone" i ask creasing my brows not understanding what they were saying

Until

I realize something Mrs. Kim said she was gonna say something to me and she was in hospital too, and the way she said 'It's about Jennie'then bursting into tears makes me wonder what happened to her, and now they're saying someone's gone.
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"Jennie's gone"

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