ENDLESS PAIN

END

《Some feelings don't die because we keep on feeding them memories》

                   ________________________

"Jennie is dead, Lisa" My mother repeated walking to my side to hug me.

I just scoff what kind of story is this, she can just tell me she doesn't want to see me again, she doesn't have to use our family.

"If she doesn't want to see me or if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore because i confess that i like her she can just say it to my face, she doesn't have to use my family."

I remember the day that i confess my love for her.

------------------------

*Flashback*

Were at the Plays Park it was a peaceful night. It was only just us, no boys no mino and no kai in short no distractions i clean the swing using my hand to let her sit she smile at my action while sitting, after she sit i also sit i look at her one more time checking if she's comfortable.

She's eating her milk ice cream smiling like a kid that's one of the reasons i fell in love with her because of her gummy smile, her smile that when i look at her i feel like i'm in heaven.

"I might melt"

I flinch when she said that i didn't know i was looking at her long for a long time but i always does.

"I will lick you if that happens" I stated while grinning while she make a disgust look

"That's disgusting, that feels like your eating me" she said while chuckling then she turn to me, studying me. I raised my brow at her action

"Why" I ask

"I'm the one who's suppose to ask that"

"So why did you invite me here not mentioning its night and its New Year our parents are waiting in our house"

"I just want to say something important" I said while fidgeting my fingers

"Wut ish it" she ask while swallowing the ice cream. I saw some cream on the corner of her lip i wiped it using my thumb and put it in my mouth tasting the sweet milk ice cream flavor.

She smack my arm "You shouldn't have done that its disgusting" She said while wiping her lips using the handkerchief that i gave her when we were twelve it was a farewell gift.

"So what's the matter, wait i think i know what it is" she stated while her index finger on her temple pretending to think i became nervous wait did she know.

"You do?" I ask while fidgeting

"You like someone, and your having hard time to tell it to that person, so your gonna ask me some advice" she said while she put her index finger up.

"Well its similar but i-" i said while looking for the right words that i needed to say.

"But what?" She said raising her brow
She's like a lost kitty right now.

BUT I'M MORE LOST

"You can just say your prob-"I cut her off.

"I like you" i stated more like a mumble

"What is it i didn't hear it can you raise your voice more. I'm starting to freak out here Lisa just say it " she said while standing up her hands on her waist.

"I like you"

"What"

"I SAID I LIKE YOU" i shout looking at her studying her reaction. She seems shock, her cat eyes blinking fast

"What nonsense is this Lisa? What do you mean by that?"

I can't put a word to my mouth cause i don't know what to say. And i do not want to mess up.

"You know what BYE LISA WHATEVER" she said turning her back and walking out breathing heavily.

But i hold her arm and turn her around. She fell to my chest i heard a small gasp coming from her mouth while i hug her i put my chin on her head smelling the strawberry scent of her shampoo. I tightened my hold to her embracing her in my arms and pull her close when her breathing became calm and slow i put my hand on her hair caressing it slowly she relax at my action and snuggled close her nose touching my neck. Her head resting in my chest we became like that for a moment until i broke the silence.

"I like you since were eight but i told myself that were too young for that until your Birthday came we became ten years old. Then again i told myself that maybe its just a crush thinking that maybe its just only an admiration until you moved out in the neighborhood then i told myself that I'm so stupid and coward for not telling you and confessing to you. I tried having crush to other girls too. I even used Nancy as an distraction.

I felt her slightly pushing my chest at the mentioned Nancy.

"But you know what? your smile, your look, your eyes, your voice, I'm always longing and looking for it i always miss it.

"Two years passed were twelve years old one day I just woke up hearing some voice, a girls voice and an adult voice in the house downstairs then when i start walking on the stairs i hear your voice i know i can't be wrong its your voice then i walk on the kitchen wearing a sport bra and a boxer on the thought that your here excites me that i even forgot to wear some decent clothes then i saw our parents talking while drinking wine then i come to the living room expecting your there then i saw three girls, a blonde who's eating pizza and the other girl eating some chicken and then there's you looking at my picture i immediately run and back hug the girl looking at my picture cause i know its you then you turn to me examining me from head to toe i did the same and your eyes are so beautiful your lips are pink they'll always be after that we became close again." She starts to cry, sniffing, i hold the sides of her head and look at her. She's crying like a baby then i hug her again she hug me back with the same feeling then i continued

"Then you leave again you said its only for one year but it was three years i became sad of course who wouldn't i just lost my love of my life. I starts to forget you, my mind starts too but my heart won't, my heart can't then one day i was gonna skip the class but i stumble into someone she had this cat eyes it took me a while to figure out that its you" My eyes became teary. A big wind blows Jennie shivered but it only makes me hug her tighter

"Then the kiss happened were both drunk that time but i know what I'm doing then when the morning comes you said that lets just forget it but how can i forget the soft lips of yours, the sweet vanilla taste of your mouth, and the way you caressed my dick even if its clothed it makes me cum, tell me how to forget your beautiful cat eyes your lusty eyes, tell me how to forget the girl that i will always look for." I said while my heart keeps on beating fast waiting for it to explode. I broke our hug i hold her elbow to look at her eyes. Were both a crying mess.

"Tell me how to forget my feelings for you how to forget this. Cause i know there's no way i'll forget this Jennie. Because I Love You " I said while i point at my heart. I started to tear up

"Please say something your silence is killing me" i said and my voice crack

"Please say something tell me how you feel" i beg as i grip her arms

"Please Nini" i begged

"Sorry Lisa"

"What do you mean your sorry Jennie" At this moment i feel my whole world crash.

"I just don't feel the same way" she said then i loosened my grip to her.

"I'm sorry Lisa" And by that she walk away and leave me.

I cry my eyes out i want to chase after her but my knees betrayed me they became weak i sat at the swing.

I was expecting three words tonight and it was not

I'm sorry Lisa

It was

I Love You

End Of Flashback