ENDLESS PAIN

《Sometimes i wish i never became so close to you that way it wouldn't be as hard saying goodbye.》

                 _________________________

Lisa

The memories of her is still haunting me

I want to see her

I want to touch her

I want to hug her

I want to kiss her

I want to repeat the kiss that we shared, the kiss that she called a mistake.

Mr. Kim is looking at me with pity on his eyes.

I just divert my eyes on the window, looking at the tall buildings, the peaceful sky that is now slowly turning dark, I think it's gonna rain again soon.

"Aren't you wondering on why she isn't going to school for three months" Mr. Kim said.

I furrowed my brows at what he said, I scoffed and reply "Of course she doesn't want to see me"

I stare at him he just nodded slowly. He open his mouth but close it quickly finding the words to say.

"She...." Mrs. Kim start to speak again but she closes her mouth. Fidgeting her fingers. I saw how Mr. Kim put his hand on her shoulder caressing it slowly to calm her, making Mrs. Kim snuggled close to his chest crying.

"Her cancer came back, it was so sudden she doesn't want you to worry so she kept it. There were nights that she badly wants to call you, but she didnt. Cause she don't want you to see her in that state." Jisoo said, she breathe deeply.

My eyes blurry as she continue to speak .

"It was yesterday we come home to get clothes for Jennie and me but suddenly the weather got bad, it was storming and raining heavily, we have no choice but to stay. But then the next morning i got a call from one of the nurse in the hospital Jennie was staying, they said we need to go there immediately. When we got in the hospital. There were doctors and nurse around her trying to save her life, but the doctor came to me and said she won't last an hour. And then when we look at her she's hardly breathing, but she's still smiling, she's still smiling like an idiot, wearing her gummy smile like she's not gonna die any minute. And she want you to have this and this." Jisoo said then giving me a box but i didn't take it so she put it on the bedside table.

I felt betrayed,

I felt betrayed at what they said.

I felt betrayed at what's happening.

'WHAT STUPID NONSENSE IS THIS' I just want to shout it, but nothing came out of my mouth, instead i cry.

I swallow a big lump on my throat while wiping my tears.

Jisoo let her tears flow Rosè took her hand drawing circles before whispering "Its okay" My mother did the same she hug me and said "Its okay" this is what i hate when I'm crying or being angry. They will say "Its okay it will be okay" when its really not gonna be ok.

They leave the room, leaving my new clothes on the couch the color is all black. I let my tears out, crying my eyes out, putting my hands on my mouth to prevent a voice from coming out.

I slowly reach the box, opening it there was a letter and handkerchief i took the letter out that is seal in a cute pink envelope and handkerchief that had her initial 'JRJKM' she said she add the M so i still has a part of her anywhere she will go, she will always bring the handkerchief.then slowly reach for the letter.

Dear, Baby, Honey, Poopoo, Lili, and Lisa

Its funny how you have five names but you know what's my favorite, my favorite endearment to call you is the word i never got to call you 'LOVE' i really do want to call you that, but never got to, i know you hate me right now cause you always Love To Hate Me soo where do i start.....Okay hehe lets start from the beginning we met. Were still young, actually on the first time i set my eyes on you i was Crazy Over You and mesmerize, hypnotize, at how handsome, cute, beautiful you are. We became Best friends but i have a secret crush on you. If someone will fight me or bully me your always there to keep me safe and you always buy me Ice Cream,even when its a girl you will push them or drag them with using their ears your Pretty Savage when you were a kid. Then you will shout 'How You Like That. And lets not use the word them cause theirs only one person in my mind that i hate and always bully me its nancy. Hehehe i really hate her. Anyways do you know why i always leave and go to america it was because i had a cancer, well I HAVE A CANCER cause i still do. It stop, but suddenly its just like a snap of finger then KABOOM CANCER or ABRACADABRA CANCER. All of the days that i spent in america is so Fucking lonely without you but i had to do it cause if i don't, HAHAHA you may think I'm a Lovesick Girl. That i am. Then my cancer will get worse. I always set on my mind that after these hardship, in the end of the day we will be together, forever, but it looks like fate and luck was not on our sides, well luck is not for you. Just kidding. When we met again on high school it was just like a dream i saw you again, you may not remember cause we got matured, but after you reach the last book i saw your wrist it has a sign infinity next to it is a name LINI i remember you saying that you will get tattoo when you grow up so i assume that its you, well I'm right then we became Best Friends again then years after that we kissed i know you might think i was drunk that time but i don't drink because of my health. I was sober that time i kissed you, but i don't want to hurt you cause i know i won't live long. Then New Year came your confession, i just want to jump in to you to kiss you,Bet You Wanna kiss me huh, but that same day i got my test result from the hospital saying i have a cancer again, yeah again how cruel is that. I had to ignore you for three months and now I'm writing this, it only mean one thing, I'm dead and I'm sorry for not being there today but someday, You Never Know.

I will always love you Lalisa Manoban
I LOVE YOU MANOBAN.

Love,Nini

Only Nini knows what to do if I'm sad, angry, or crying. She would just kiss my cheek or hug me saying 'Cry it all out' then i feel my walls of sadness shattering. Again I don't like it when  people says its gonna be alright when it isn't and she knows that about me.

After that we will eat ice cream, she would show her gummy smile then i would feel Fine, no scratch that i would feel Amazing.

But right now she is the reason of my sadness my angry. I don't know what to feel. Its just feel like I'm in place that have ice all around wearing a wet clothes, drowning in a cold water waiting myself to die.

Should i feel angry to them that hide it, to Jennie for not saying that she have a cancer.

I stood up, going to the bathroom to change clothes. After that i ring Jisoo. Then walk to the parking lot

"Are you ready"

"Yes"

"Are you okay"

"That I am not"

She just nodded then drove off to the funeral, she said my parents already got there.

------- ------- ------- -------

At The Funeral

I look at her lifeless body while i slowly put the daisy on the coffin. Back when Jisoo is driving i told her to stop at the flower shop i always go to when i will surprise Jennie with flowers. I stop my tears from falling, but they betrayed me, they always will.

I promise myself to not cry again, but maybe promises are really meant to be broken. I mouthed I Love You to her.

I use the handkerchief i gave her to wipe my tears

I run and run not knowing where i was going. Thinking all of the possible things if i was with her. Thinking of what I'm feeling right now.

'I HATE YOU'

'WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME'

'WE WERE SUPPOSE TO FIGHT THIS TOGETHER'

'I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE THERE AT YOUR SIDE EVERY NIGHT'

'I REALLY HATE YOU, BUT I LOVE YOU.'

I leave the area, running as far as possible. My tears streaming down my cheek. I heard Rosè and Jisoo call my name but i ignore them and it was too late.

I still run, my eyes blurry, still not looking where i was going. Until

~Beeep~

It felt like a slow motion. I felt something colliding with me. Smashing into me.

Then my body flew to no one knows. The impact of the truck is strong, crushing my bones.my face full of blood and stain of my tears.

"Lisa no, stay with us" I heard who knows.

I feel my head getting dizzy.

I close my eyes as the last tear drops on the cold concrete. Then

I Died

J&L- "TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES,
YET WE DID."

J- "IT'S FUNNY HOW THEY'RE DESTINED WITH EACH OTHER"

R- "YEAH THEY TOOK IT SERIOUSLY."

The End

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QAQ