When we meet again...

Facing the inevitable

The past week have been tough. Real tough.

Ellie... She just cried. I'm not sure she knew how to do anything else. In the end Nan offered,no ordered, that she go stay with her. I would have gone too, Ellie needs me I know, but so does Dad. I'm not sure he would still be alive if I had gone. At first he was in denial and sat at the front door for 5 days, waiting for her to come home. When I tried to move him, explain that she wasn't coming home,he just kept saying that she's running late and would be home soon. Once when I went on too much he started to get annoyed,so I got the message and left him. The next morning he was gone. The hallway where he had previously sat was empty. I thought that he had done a runner. But no, he had locked himself in his bedroom, a bottle of Jack Daniels as his new best friend .

It has probably been the hardest for him, being probably the closest out of all of us to her. Even more than Ellie. I know he needs time, but drinking won't sort out his problems. He should of learnt that from mum. I will help in as much as i can as despite his shortage of affection for me the past 6 years, he's still family. And so was mum. As much as we didn't get along, she gave birth to me and I can never change that. The years she did "bring" me up, she made them the best they could of ever been. So I'm going to give her a decent funeral, as I doubt dad will be able to make it at this rate no mind organise it.

                                                                   *****

Today I'm going back to school for the first time in 1 week. Doesn't sound that long but trust me, when all you've had around you is grieving, it seemed like a year. The funeral date has been set and I have already done everything except the flowers. I thought i'd let Ellie choose them. Her and mum loved to garden so she knew her favourite. Anyway Ellie deserved to have a part in it.

As I walk through the school gates people stare. Wow. Word spreads fast. I keep my head down and try to avoid as many eyes as possible. Usually I would wait for Bekka at the gates, but I wanted to doge as many akward "Im so sorry about your mum" as I could. I'd already had enoughy bloody phone calls. Me and Bekka had arranged to meet in the form room instead, as, even thouhg we are meant to go straight there as soon as we get to school, no one does. Literally no one.

As I made my way through the yard and into the school, I kept a look out for Alex but I couldn't see him anywhere. The weird thing was he hadn't texted once asking how I was, apart from once and alI I got was a  "Hpe u k x" and no reply.  I lifted my head a bit as I wandered through the corridors as they were deserted barring the odd few teachers who gave me a sypmathietic smile. When I finally came to my form room, the door was closed shut. Obviously Bekka wasn't here yet. I pushed down on the handle and opened it. I wish I hadn't. After three steps inide I had a full view of the class room.

I saw them, her sat on the table with her legs rapped around him. Sucking each others face off. It felt like my heart had been stamped on, and them thrown in the garbage.

"A-alex?"