I
I LONG FOR HEAVEN
somtimes, i dream.
i dare to go as far as the will of the world will take me, swallowed up in a blue gaze like the heavens.
(i could slip my hand in theirs right now, i could kiss them right now if i just asked, i could part my lips and tell them i want them to be mine right now...why don't i?)
they are the sky encased in glass and drip-dried in silver, strong and fragile and earth-shatteringly beautiful.
II
WHAT IS HEAVEN
what is heaven to their hand in mine? i have gold in their sunshine hair, i have seas of jasper in incadescent eyes, i have all of heaven in a single body right before me. what is heaven to the heaven i am holding right now?
if God doesn't like this, a love so kind and innocent it hurts, then...what does that make God?
III
GARDEN OF ASHES
if i ran through all the gardens of all our love and split every snake in two? collected their teeth as a warning sign, whoever dares to try to take this love away will turn to a river of blood and a testament of how far i'd go. what if i burned every tree of knowledge to cinders and we danced on their ashes and screamed in holy jubilation? what if God congratulated us for defeating that evil, that temptation while covered in blood and venom from all the things that have tried to take you from me?
the world has been away from God since the begining, why can't i cling to you?
IV
ADAM
God, i tried to love a boy. i promise i did. i tried so much i almost broke every piece of me and split every bone in my boy asunder from carrying that weigh on my shoulders. i bend inward on my own suffering and gritted my teeth until my mouth was a waterfall of blood (probably best this way, right? you can't hear the screaming over this.)
is this waterfall of my suffering a good enough testament of my love for You?
V
I LONG FOR HEAVEN
God, forgive me, I am in love. I do not love that love more than I love You, but God, if You love me won't you let me have this without punishment?
perhaps i love too much,
when did that become a sin?
