Diary of an Introvert 2

9: I realized that I was selfish.

Saturday.

Have I ever mentioned that I was once a part of a ministry way back in college? Hmm, so I graduated and somehow lost contact with some of the members. Years had passed, most of us now are professionals. Our ministers before called a meeting just to check us and talk about the future plans of the group.

We started with a prayer and followed by our main agenda. 

The time has finally came to reveal the results of the election last week. My heart was beating so fast, torn between excitement and fear. My name was called as they introduced the president. I feel like declining but I remembered my prayers. 'You will be done, Lord.'  I said and so here we go. Who am I to say no? I am not actually afraid of the task but, I somehow have doubts if I can do well. 

Now, as I acknowledge my weaknesses, I learned how to humble myself. I realized that it's easy for me to ask help now.

I voiced out my feelings to them and they all gave me support and told me that they'll just be there to back me up.

The meeting continued and as we approach the ending of that night's gathering, my heart was beating so fast again, as if wanting me to say my thoughts to every body. There was a short pause from the group, and so I decided to talk.

I suggested that before we end, all of us should at least share the 'things that we're grateful for'. The ministers agreed and others did the same. I started the sharing and called out the names who'll go next.

The sharing of simple wins turned into sharing of hardships. As I listened to them, all my rants and complains about my life suddenly turned into a laugh. I became sarcastic to myself. I just realized that I was just thinking about my problems which in fact, others have heavier burdens than me. I realized that I was selfish.

One member started her sharing with a smile then she paused and tears fell from her eyes. She's one of my good friend who's known to have a vibrant personality yet here she is, can't even find the right words to describe her feelings nor her tears.

We all became silent and gave her the time she needed to truly express what she feels. As I wait, I held my hands and silently prayed for her.

Her mother, being a single mom, lost her job. Her sister's still studying in college. This friend of mine, currently continuing her studies in medicine was torn between her studies and work. At a young age of 21, she became her family's breadwinner.

As I listened to her, my heart ached for I do not know what to say or even do to lift her up. 

Sometimes it's frustrating that you want to extend help but you do not know how. 

Lord, please use me as an instrument to make others feel the warmth and comfort that you gave me. Amen.