Tame Our Love

Drug Money - Good Money

I woke up to an empty bed. All I could recollect from last night was him embracing my slim, slender body and wrapping his strong arms around me whilst he wore his stone cold heart on my pure, silk sleeves. He was gone but I had recited this moment in my fucked up head a thousand times before. He left, I was heartbroken and alone. He came back and the twinkle in our eyes shone like a raging fire infused with desire and sensuality. He always brought out my best but he also summoned my absolute worst. I always described him as my own personal drug because that's the only way I could explain these complicated feelings I had for him into words. His broken diligence and fiery passion for me was my high and his non existent presence was the ultimate withdrawal symptom. I always pondered why I resembled our love his way, I soon found out that this wasn't just about our erratic relationship, it was his life's work. Heroin, cocaine, ecstasy .. This was his world.
Drug money. Good money. He would always say those exact words every time I would confront him about his damaging drug dealing business.
I realised that he would completely destroy other people's lives to feed his own sick obsession with money and alcohol.
Was this what he was doing to me in some sort of metaphorical way? Was he the dealer, leaving me being the oblivious addict the one that would crumble with out him? Him being my manipulating toxin.
I unraveled myself from the warmth of the covers, from the corner of my eye I could see a hundred dollar bill rolled up with a white powdery substance dusted around the bed side table. My heart stopped. I could feel my whole body trembling at this point. I felt like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and left on a bloody display for my demons to admire. How could I of been so inattentive to the fact that I never remembered the night before. It's because these wrathful substances I had taken caused my memory to burn and decay into nothingness.