Chapter 1
It will be billed as "Fear Factor" meets "The Bachelor". Out of twenty-four contestants vying for the right to marry Mr. Right, one will secretly be a guy. If "she" survives the elimination rounds and makes it into the finals, when intimacy is to be expected prior to the climactic episode, all bets are off.
Andrea Messenger tossed the pitch sheet onto the tablecloth and poured skim milk into her muesli. Where did Hap come up with these ideas?
Hap Arnhold joined her at her banquette at the Polo Lounge a few minutes later, wearing the uniform of a Hollywood agent: black mock turtleneck, black slacks, black Armani jacket. Andrea's subdued dress made her feel like a peacock by comparison. A bad analogy, she thought to herself as Hap ordered his customary bagel and coffee. Weren't the females the drab sex in the bird world?
As if reading her mind, Hap started in. "Sex roles have been upside down in this town since 'Some Like it Hot', he said between mouthfuls of bagel, "and that documentary that A&E put on about guys and girls swapping places blew your network out of the water. Your ratings for the last 'Bachelor' were way down. This is the perfect way to add a little spice to a tired format."
"Come on, Hap, nobody would believe it. In the first place, there's no way a guy could last five minutes in that circus without being outed by one of the other girls. They'll all be out for blood."
"So, even if that happens, you'll have pumped your numbers for the first episode, which is crucial, I don't have to tell you. But think about it, Andrea: if these girls all want to win, won't it be in each of their interest to keep the fake girl in the competition as long as possible? There's no way she's going to win it, but each girl she knocks out in the early rounds improves the rest of their chances."
Andrea reflected on this as Hap took a call on his cell phone. "Hi, I'm in the lounge, sitting with a pretty woman in a blue dress," he said as he winked at Andrea. "Come join us." Tall and gangly, with dark curly hair and designer glasses, Andrea was hardly pretty, but she was used to agents kissing her ass.
Hap put his cell phone away and said apologetically, "Sorry, that was my assistant. Some papers I need to sign. Won't take a minute." Andrea looked up as a stunning blonde entered the restaurant and approached them hesitantly. She was tall and athletic looking, with terrific legs beneath her short pleated skirt, and she juggled her purse and briefcase as she waited for Hap to introduce her to Andrea.
"Andrea, meet Jan Peterson. Sit down, Jan, and join us." Jan slid onto the banquette next to Hap, a shy smile on her beautiful face.
The girl pulled a contract from her briefcase and handed it to Hap. Andrea looked at Hap in surprise as he slid it across the table to her. "Sign here, Andrea, and welcome your mystery contestant to 'The Bachelor'.
Andrea's jaw dropped as she stared at Jan, who blinked back at her nervously. "You mean, she's really...a guy?"
Jan blushed a bright crimson and started to get up from the table. Hap held his arm and told him to sit still as Andrea stared at him. If she hadn't been told, there was no way she would have guessed. "How long have you been dressing up like this?" she finally asked.
"I just started this year." His voice was soft and sweet, without a trace of masculinity, and Andrea noticed that his gestures and body language were totally feminine.
Andrea glanced down at the contract. "Your real name is Jan?"
"Yes."
"Are you gay?" Andrea asked.
"Really, Andrea, I'm surprised at you," Hap broke in. "I haven't heard that question in this town in years." Short and slender, with a shaved head and trim mustache, Hap was gay himself.
"Get real, Hap. I've got a mainstream audience. If we gay it up, you can write off the red states, and my sponsors would never go for it."
"I'm not gay," Jan answered before Hap could intervene again. "I'm a normal guy, and I like girls."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"How else am I going to break into this business? Here," he said, reaching into his briefcase and pulling out a photo spread of a young man with a slight build and nondescript features. Andrea studied them and looked back at Jan. The resemblance was unmistakable, but Andrea had to admit to herself that Jan was infinitely more attractive as a woman. It was impossible to tell whether her wispy blonde hair was real or an expensive wig, her blue eyes sparkled, and her makeup was flawless. Andrea realized that she was already thinking of Jan as a she.
"Hap, I'm gonna have to run this by Mr. Goodkin, but I think he might just go for it. Jan, I want you to meet me in my office this afternoon at four o'clock. Here's my card." She folded up the contract and put it into her briefcase. "And wear something casual. If we're going to pull this off, you'll have to live in the Girls' House for at least two weeks, and that means yakking it up in jeans and a tee shirt till all hours of the night with a school of piranha. Do you think you're ready for that?"
"Bring it on," Jan smiled sweetly. "They'll never know what hit them."
