Trapped

1

~ We do not remember the days we remember the moments ~

Melisa

Love.... that four letter word alone signifies so many things, it's more than just words to me I don't know about other people.

Love makes you feel things you have never felt before, it's drag you into it with the person you are in love with...like a force of attraction. It makes you experience compassion, light, happiness , joy.

When you are in love everything about that particular person would seem perfect to you, cause you have already fallen into it. It's a beautiful thing and a lovely experience. But only depends on the person you fall in love with.

On my own part I fell in love, am still in love but got my heart broken. I got my heart shredded into pieces. I got it broken like a shattered glass. And I don't think the pieces could be kept together back again.

I have never fallen in love, not until this particular time . The one time I tried it ,it bounced back to me . The one time I tried to be compassionate with someone, to be loved by somebody it surely didn't treat me right . I thought I could also try it out and live the moment of being the love of someone's life , but little did I know I was wrong.

My mother always told me to be careful. She always told me to not be decieved by anybody .To not get carried away by any kind of affection that drags me to it, but I failed to listen.
She knows how painful it is to give your whole to a particular person and have it taken away from you. Because she has experienced it before and it got her ruined.

It broke her psychologically.

And here I am also in the same predicament.

It's sad to say but I regret it.

During my years of highschool and college, I only had crushes here and there . It was always for fun and to catch our cruises. But it had never gone this far ....to love one another.

The only thing I am grateful for during the whole experience is my virginity.

I am proud to still be able to stand my ground of being a proud virgin. That's one thing I don't take for granted .

Am so happy to have at least one part of my self that I didn't let go.

Because to be sincere, I am no my longer self .

I feel like a body with no emotions just numb.

I feel ashamed.

I feel humiliated.

I feel betrayed.

I feel foolish to have given my self off so easily.

To have fallen into his trap.

I can't say i hate him because to be sincere am still in love with him.

Love made me do stupid things.

Even after I got my heart broken I still want him.

I want him to tell me all that happened was just a lie, a prank .

I want to feel his body against mine again. I want to kiss him till I become a panting mess . I want him to touch me like he used to . I want him to give me that smile of his that can take all my sorrows away. I want him laugh with me like we used to . To crack his lame ass jokes to take me out .

I want to feel his body , I want touch is smooth skin that has been defined with is beautiful muscles that God specially created for him.

I love him so fucking much that it hurts.