Wondering

Do you ever

Do you ever want to I don't know..dissapear? Just go to somewhere no one familiar will find you. Just start walking to nowhere and seeing where you will end up. Not caring about anything or anyone, just you yourself and your favourite music. Not even leaving a note, if they care they will send you a message. But don't you ever have the need to do that? Like nothing else matters, just you. Yeh me neither but I really want to not care. It hurts anyways. Caring all the time about everyone who doesn't even care about you. You're there all the time. They need you? No problem, you're there. If you need them? Yeah no they're busy. You're not their number one priority at all, number ten? Don't hope to much. You're at the bottom baby. They don't care if you're there or not, they really don't. Sorry to dissapoint but it's true.

Do you ever wonder what the world would be like without you? Would it be any different? Or are you just another robot in the society? Could you have made a difference? Maybe you saved a life by telling someone they looked great or maybe in the future someone will be succesfull because you told them to stick through it. Maybe you did something amazing in the world but maybe you didn't. Nothing would be different, you could just dissapear right now and everything would be the same. Don't you ever want to know your impact on the world? Just so that you know if you have any meaning and if you have to stay or not. 

Do you ever wonder how did I get here? How did I get so different? Where's that happy child that was excited about every little thing? Maybe that was just a fantasy, maybe that happiness wasn't real, maybe nothing of this is. But it can't be that one day everything backfired and that now I'm that miserable person. Because I really don't know where I went wrong. I keep eating the same demons everyday and when I wake up, I'm just so tired. Now I don't even know what's real and what's fake anymore. All people smile but who really means it? Don't you ever just want to hug a person because you just know that their smile isn't genuine. 

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and just think 'is this it'? Is this me? I just don't like what I see. I don't like who I am. There's nothing good about me anymore. Sometimes I get this feeling like I'm floating outside of my body looking down on myself and i HATE what I see. I really hate it. I just can't change it, the feeling won't go away. I adore people who can find even one thing they like about themselves. What do you like? There must be something. Some people like the little things in their character, others love the smile they get when their loved one makes them smile and then there's people like me who find nothing. It's hard to believe that thre are more people like me but I know that there are, eventhough they are gorgeous. You are gorgeous.

Do you ever wonder why you are sad? I'm sad and angry and confused and...I don't know. People tell me that I have to move on but why can't I just be sad? Why can't I just feel? People tell me to smile all the time. Everyone wants me to be happy. When they ask me: 'How are you?' They don't expect me to be honest. They want a simple answer. If you reply with something different, nobody can help. It doesn't mean they don't want to help, it just means they didn't expect that. Because our society only has 'happy people'.