The Risen Queen and Fallen King (UNEDITED 'The Ruination #1)

~The Aftermath

Never.. have I ever.. wanted to end my life.

I never have, I've always valued my life.

But for a split moment, a thought came to me.

Love is something my mother always treasured, she said it was what made life worth willing.

If there is no love in my future. Is life worth willing?

I shake my head and smack myself. Get a grip! Are you crazy!?

I'm breathing heavily, my mind swirling with thoughts. The silver ring sits on my night stand, dim light shines through my curtains and sleep tugs at my eyes. But my imagination won't let me rest.

I imagine marrying Jabeth. Our wedding day. I'll pick out my dress and meet him down the aisle, but I won't be smiling. After the ceremony we will avoid each other the whole day, hanging with our friends or crying on their shoulder.

Our wedding night, we won't say one word to each other. We probably won't stay in the same home more or less sleep in the same bed.

I can imagine him, coming home or off with some woman. A mistress or a lover. He will kiss her, make love to her, care for her. They will have children while I sit on my throne, surveying my-our kingdom. Alone..

It's depressing to think about it. Growing old with only detest for my husband. It's unfair.. I never wanted this.

I can't say I don't have a choice, because I do. I could protest until I die of old age, but this is the right choice for my people and my kingdom. I need to put them first, instead of my own insignificant desires.

The silver ring sits on my nightstand I stare at with such hate it could melt the precious metal. I imagine grabbing it and throwing it out my window to drift into the clouds, lost forever. When something goes into the clouds, it becomes lost forever.. it's never seen again. It probably falls forever.

Suddenly a knock sounds at my door. "Josie? Are you awake?"

It snaps me out of thoughts I'm not ready for, thank God. I sit up in my bed, the pastel blue strap of my silk slip falling off my shoulder. "C-Come in." I recognize the voice as Darby's.

She opens the door and quietly closes it, walking into my room until she sits on my bed. She blinks, "You look like Hell."

I snort. "Of course I do." I flick my fingers to conjure an augury screen, my sea colored magic reflects my face, which is pale, sunken in, and depressing.

I sigh, fix my strap and flick my wrist, causing it to evaporate and disappear. "I just can't do this. I can't imagine living a loveless life." Never having children, starting a family. Never falling in love while I rule my kingdom. It would turn my heart cold.. and I don't want that. To become as cold as the bitch I'm marrying.

My eyes swell with tears, and soon Darby's face become a blur.

Her eyes widen. "No, no.. Josie, don't cry. He's not worth it." I'm sure she would say otherwise, if the circumstances were different.

I scowl, "I'm not crying over that bastard. I just.." I bite my lips closed and lower my head. "My mother always told me falling in love is the best thing in the world. I could never learn to love him.. But this is for our kingdoms.. it's... f-for the best."

Darby shakes her head. "No it isn't."

A tear drops onto my lap.

"I will find a way to make this engagement null and void, just you wait."

I sniff and look up at Darby, feeling pathetic and useless. I hate crying in front of other people. It shows you're weak and a good Queen needs to be strong.