If you're having trouble sleeping clap your hands 👏👏
If you're having trouble sleeping clap your hands 👏 👏
If you're constantly not sleeping and you're having trouble eating,
If you really feel like weeping clap your hands 👏👏
Guys, I'm not good. Somethings up but I don't know what. My PTS just keeps getting triggered, I can't sleep and on the occasions i do, i wake up in cold sweat. I'm getting paranoid. People are leaving me on read and i feel like they hate me and i know that's dumb but its all i can think. I really like someone and i was going to ask them out on Friday, but I don't want to drag them in if i'm this bad. I'm only finding humour in throw away suicide jokes.
I gained trust issues and it's gotten to the point that I don't even trust my family. I'm spiralling. I relapsed but I don't want to bother my friends. I think I'm toxic. Something someone said has been echoing through my head constantly 'you're not the only one that's allowed to have problems' i think i'm just being selfish getting them involved. Getting you involved even. But then again I don't know any of you irl. I lost all motivation months ago. I thought i got it back, but i've just fallen deeper. My head feels like a broken cookoo clock, constantly screeching at me. I want to write. Writing makes things better sometimes, lets me think. But i just can't. There's nothing, no ideas. My ideas are all just cliche. Unoriginal. Its 25 past 3 in the morning. My clock won't shut the fuck up. And i just want to end it. I can't. I know I can't. That's even more selfish and vain but it hurts. Everything just hurts. I feel like I'm faking it sometimes. I've been told so many times that I'm being dramatic, over exaggerating, trying too hard. And i think I believe it. I don't know what to think anymore. At all. So many voices, memories, flashbacks, triggers, empty screams all clawing at me like vultures, ripping up the flesh of the roadkill.
I just want it to stop. All of it. To just go away.
I just want a break from the voices and panic attacks and breakdowns.
I just want to end it. Why can't i just fucking end it?
