The Girl Who Found Her Life

Big Mistakes and Rewards

I had day shift the next morning. After checking the schedule twice, I realized that Kogami did too. I was not happy about that. Today was bound to be slow, so I grabbed a book before heading downstairs. It was the King James Bible. I was the first one in the office, so I just chilled in my desk, reading the bible. As everyone started to arrive, they started whispering about why I was so pissed off. Yeah, when I get mad, I tend to read the bible. Don't laugh at me. Ko was fifteen minutes late, which pissed me off even more. When he finally walked in, I broke the silence in the room. "You're late." No one looked at me, or at Kogami. "Sorry. Won't happen again." Yayoi scooted down towards Kagari, and Nobuchicka eyed me funny. "Where were you yesterday at 2:45?" I asked casually. "Here. Where else would I be?" Cocky bastard, he knows I know. He'd be dumb not to. I set my book down and sat in the empty desk next to Kogami's. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." I quoted exodus. "I was here." Ko said again. "You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and stayed not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." I quoted John. I could do this all day. "You already know what I was doing yesterday." He pointed out. "And you had no right to do that! Just like you had no right to lie to me about it." I growled, before storming out, and into the break room. I angrily made a pot of coffee. "I'm sorry." Kogami said from behind me. "You should be." I said without turning around. "Come on, Tosh, you've gotta admit, I was just doing what I thought was right." I sighed and turned around. "I'm not mad about what you did. I'm mad that you lied to me about it." I explained, doing my best to look disappointed. "How long have we been friends?" Ko asked. I was slightly confused. "Almost ten years." I answered. "Okay, now in those ten years, have I ever been wrong?" I shook my head. "I lied. But I had good reason to. Now will you please stop spewing the bible at me?" I gave him a look, and then we both burst out laughing. Ko enveloped me in a hug. "No more lying, okay KoKo?" I said, again, sounding six. "Alright, Toshy Woshy." Something was up. Because in all the ten years I've known Kogami, he's only hugged me once. "What aren't you telling me?" I asked, breaking the hug. Ko scratched the back of his head nervously. "Well, Karanomori is downstairs with Makishima trying to crack your diary." What? I took off in a full in sprint to get down there. The elevators were too slow, so I ran down the stairs instead. I had my current diary in my bag, meaning they have one of the old ones. It would be just my luck if they had #6. I finally got to the basement level. The door wouldn't open. Karanomori had locked me out. I started beating on the heavy metal door. "You can't read that!" I smacked the door again. "Let me in! You can't see what's in there!" I screamed. "Open the fucking door!" The door slid open, and out came Shogo with a defeated look on his face. "Well, that solves that mystery." He handed me the book, but refused to look at me. I was right... He'd read #6. I slid it in my bag, and pulled out #7. I wanted to give it to him so bad. I wanted him to know exactly how I felt now. But doing that would mean giving in. It didn't matter. "Hey! Jackass! Wait up!" I called. Shogo just kept walking, like I wasn't even there. I jogged a bit, and stopped right in front of him. "You can't decide that you don't like the series without reading the sequel." I said quietly. "I already know everything I need to know." He replied, looking at the ground. "No, you really don't." I muttered. "Ást er saga sem gæti eeki bera." I hardly uttered the password to the book. "Go ahead. Take it, read it. Lemme know what you think." I handed him the book, and went back upstairs. What the hell had I just done?
All the rest of my shift, I just sat and filled out paperwork. Everyone took their attempt at talking to me, but I gave out death glares like they were candy. They stopped trying to talk to me. After my shift, I quickly went back up to Kagari's and stole his bedroom. His shift lasted four hours longer than mine, so I had the place to myself for a while. I couldn't focus enough to read, and I couldn't journal, because I gave it to Shogo, I couldn't watch tv, because I was having a bit of a freak out. So, all in all, I sat on the couch, trying to think of something to do, so I could stop freaking out. I'm not exactly sure how I got to drawing, but I did. I drew the most magnificent set of Angel wings mankind has ever seen. I'm just kidding, they sucked. I was almost done shading when someone knocked on the door. My heart skipped a beat. I got up from the couch, and took my time getting to the door. I didn't have to look through the peephole to know who it was. I twisted the cold lock, and opened the door. "The last one was in Greek, and now this one in Icelandic, you're really giving me a hard time here." Shogo said quietly. "You're fluent in both Greek and Icelandic, you have no room to complain." I said, walking back into the apartment, and plopping my fat ass on the couch. "While that may be true, some of the translations to English are very vague. For example, elksa means both love, and hate." Shogo said calmly, sitting on the leather chair in front of me. "So which is it? Do you love me, or do you hate me?" I gulped. I didn't think I would be able to speak. Considering the fact that I couldn't breathe, talking seemed to be impossible. "Je ai essayè tant de mal á vous haïr, après tout, je deveais. Mais je ne peux pas me rèsoudre á vois haïr. Je te aime trop." I confessed. Why not confess your love in French? "Vous devriez me haïr pour tout ce que je ai fait pour vous. Vous avez dit vous-même, je vous ai tué l'intérieur delà de toute mesure." Let me translate that for you, 'You should hate me for everything I've done to you. You said it yourself, I've killed you inside beyond measure.' "Mourir par vos mains était un art, et je serais heureux de le faire à nouveau." I said quietly. 'To die by your hand was an art, and I would gladly do it again.' "You can't mean that. After all I've- you just can't." Shogo said in English. He was crying. Never in my life have I seen something that heartbreaking. I got off the couch, and knelt down in front of him. "I mean every word," I wiped Shogo's beautiful amber eyes. "and you damn well know that I don't lie." I smiled, even though I was nearly shaking. "You deserve so much better than me." He whispered. "I don't want anyone else. Because when push comes to shove, you're the best person for me."