A Continued Affection

Part 35

Georgiana was surprised at how controlled her voice sounded when inside her heart was hammering painfully against her chest.

Wickham was surprised to see her, surprised that she would address him directly. The colour drained from his face and he almost dropped his pipe, his fingers tightening around it a moment before it slid free of its grasp. Those were the only signs of his discomfort, however, for he recovered himself almost immediately, nodding an acknowledgement at her and smiling in that same infuriatingly charming manner that had made her fall in love with him once.

Once. She reminded herself. No matter how handsome he still was, or how much charm he could still muster when he must, she had seen the truth of who he was and there was no unseeing that, now.

"Georgiana." His smile grew. "Or would you prefer Miss Darcy here? Tell me, are we to be strangers or friends? Or..." He trailed off, his eyebrows rising in a challenge.

"You may as well use Georgiana. Most of my friends do."

He grinned, evidently thinking he had won some kind of victory.

"I spoke to Elizabeth," Georgiana continued, watching him carefully for the tiniest reactions, the only tells he would give her. It was fortunate, then, that she had known him well, once, and she was strangely pleased to realise that not everything he had said to her had been a lie. She had known a version of him, yet, but it had truly been a version of him. There was the same muscle twinge at his jawline that indicated anxiety. The same shadow of guilt clouded his eyes for just a moment before they were back to bright, brilliant blue.

"You need not worry, George. I did not tell her everything I might have done about the kind of person you are. I ought to advise you, though, that I do not think you shall find much of a friend in her, or her family, after this evening." She smiled, feeling genuinely pleased as she spoke her next words. "I think it will only be a matter of time before she and my brother announce their engagement and I assure you he will be about as eager for you to befriend his fiancée as he was for you to befriend me."

Wickham rocked back on his heels, his expression teasing.

"Then why speak to me now? If you are so certain that it will draw ire from your brother. And your cousin." His teeth clenched as he spoke of Colonel Fitzwilliam, and Georgiana swallowed a smile, having witnessed their last interaction at a distance. She could not tell what was said, of course, but the ramrod-straight back of the colonel and the posturing that neither gentleman could fully restrain had suggested it had not been a pleasant conversation.

"I wished to ask you something, one thing, and then I shall bid you farewell, never again to meet, I am sure." She drew a breath, wiling her confidence not to fail her now. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean it?" Wickham frowned. "Mean what?" He looked at her, unflinching and honest for perhaps the first time.

"Your claim that you wish to change. Your repentance." Her lips flattened. "Your apology."

Wickham was silent for a long moment, long enough that Georgiana began to suspect she would get no answer at all, and when it came, at last, she did not quite recognise the voice he used, it was so small, so quiet, so full of regret.

"I do not believe I ever offered an apology to you, Georgiana. Not one worthy of your hearing, in any case."

Georgiana swallowed. She had not expected this. Even giving George the benefit of the doubt, thinking it possible he did want to change, she had never thought to see him without bluster, without that veneer of confidence that seemed to stick with him no matter what crisis befell him.

"I am sorry, for what it is worth. I doubt you believe it. Your brother certainly does not, nor your cousin. I doubt even Elizabeth believes it, but it is true." His whole stance softened and for a fleeting moment, Georgiana thought he might reach out for her. She took a step back to secure against it, and his smile grew sad.

"You see? This is what I am sorry for most of all. I have spoiled any chance of a friendship between us."

"Friends do not attempt to ruin one another."

"Aye, perhaps not." Wickham shrugged one shoulder idly. "But we had fun, didn't we? Dreaming up the adventures we might have. Where was it you wanted to go? Paris?"

"Vevay," Georgiana said, quietly. "You seemed convinced we would get there, although as I recall you were always hazy on the details."

"A pity." He laid a hand on the arm of his uniform, gesturing to the pips she was surprised to acknowledge he had earned. "Now I may get my chance to travel, and have nobody to tell about it."

"There are always people for you to tell of your daring, George," Georgiana reminded him.

"Yes, but none I care to have admire me as much as you." He sighed. "I have made a mess of things, Georgiana. From the start, I have destroyed everything good that was ever given to me. I do not suppose there is a great deal in me even trying to change. I have been this way for too long. There is no other way for me to be."

"Perhaps." Georgiana considered this. "It is hard for us to change when we are always in the same places, surrounded by the same people." She paused. "Open to the same temptations. Why not seek something new? Go abroad. Prove yourself. Then, maybe, when you come home, people will be a little more inclined to take you at your word."

Wickham seemed to be considering this, but before he could offer a reply, a pair of brusque hands forced Georgiana back, soon replaced by a gentle arm about her shoulders. She looked up just in time to realise that Darcy had come upon them, spied their conversation and taken it for the worst.

"Have you no decency, Wickham?" He muttered, placing himself between Georgiana and his foe.

"William," she began, shrugging off Elizabeth's arm, and laying a restraining hand on her brother's shoulder. "It was not what you think."

"And you wished me to believe you changed? How much of a fool do you take me for?"

"What is going on here?"

Mr Gardiner had come into the fray, evidently despatched by his wife and sister, and seeking to downplay whatever drama was unfolding before their whole party was ejected from the assembly.

"Nothing," Wickham said, taking a swift step back, out of reach of Darcy and edging closer to the door. "I was just leaving."

"If only you would!" Darcy spat. "And never more return!"

George's eyes lifted until they met Georgiana's, a last, silent goodbye. She felt certain, then, that this would be the last time she saw George Wickham, and although some tiny part of her heart still claimed to love him, it did not lament the fact.