꧁𝙽𝙾 𝙹𝙾𝚈...𝙹𝚄𝚂𝚃 𝚂𝙰𝙳𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂꧂

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...you know how in life people tell you that you'll remember the good memories and forget the bad...i've been told that my whole life..all 14 years of my life...i'm gonna be 15 soon by january ya i know it's in the new year and we don't know the future,this years has been hard...it's been hard for everybody with the virus and the fires and deaths...all the deaths...and the loss and the sadness...it's october 21st and i think this halloween is the only halloween i'm not dressing up...and that even surprises me...i usually dress up and i enjoy dressing up...i like dressing up to be someone else...and covering up my pain with a mask or face paint so i look...normal...and happy....but I guess I can't won't this year...there's different measures with the virus and i'm growing up so it doesn't seem as exciting as it used to...but my halloween's were usually full of fighting and running around and getting creative with our costume's cause we didn't have enough money to buy new costume's or decorations for the holiday...but i guess this year is going to be different...i don't really know if my parents are going to split up or instead of me getting a birthday party or two birthday parties or even none at all...it'll be a funeral...and i'll be the one in the casket...and everyone doesn't know why or how it happened...it could have been so many reason's so many ways how...it could be from my dad beating me to hard one time cause my mother (a drunk) blamed something bad she did on me...or maybe my mother drove me down into so much sadness and depression that it was only way out...or maybe my little brother finally snapped from all his anger and killed me...no one will really ever know...but it's better that way...so then everyone can have there own thoughts and opinions on how i died..but i will always really know and i'll be taking that information to the grave...i always had a feeling in my gut that i wasn't gonna make it past 20..and i was right...people in my life have always told me that i'll forget the bad memories and remember the good ones...but all my life...all the memories i had collected and remember...are sad and...depressing..full of yelling and hitting...and crying...people tell you that you'll forget the bad and remember the good..but...all i can remember is the bad...the small fragments i can remember of my good memories...is the few seconds i was happy and the memory is joyful...until it turns sad and dark..and alone...they tell us we'll forget the bad...but..that's all i can remember...

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙴𝙽𝙳.