TRIALS (Completed)

Fifteen

For the first time in a long time, Kauthar awoke without her alarm. But it wasn’t because she was eager to see the day, but because, for the first time in a long time, she had a bad dream.

After splashing her face with cold water three times, she looked at her reflection: at the pimples that had ruined her smooth dark skin when she had just turned fourteen, but now they were fading, blending with her skin, like they had always been a part of her. Just like her past mistakes.

She raised a finger and traced it across her face, smooth and full, just like she had always wanted. And so were her dreams of a happy family. That was until Sumayya Aliyu Manga came into the picture. It was as if Kauthar had been yanked from the front line of her life. It wasn’t just the uncanny resemblance Sumayya shared with Salsabil, it was everything she was with Barakah: kind, warm, funny, even treating her like an adult, allowing her to make her choices of clothes, food, snacks in every outing. All in all, Sumayya was giving Barakah the freedom she (Kauthar) had denied her. 

Because she’s still a child. Kauthar whispered to the mirror, her breath releasing a white fog to her reflection. Young, vulnerable and most of all, all hers. Only she should show Barakah the world, only she should train her, only she should be the mother.

But what if she wasn’t doing a good job? Was that why God sent Sumayya to their home, to show her how to be a better mother to Barakah? Kauthar clutched her chest at the thought. No, she shook her head. Barakah was hers, only hers. 

A sharp knock on the door startled Kauthar awake. She looked around in confusion. She had dozed off on the bathroom floor across the mirror. But how? The knock sounded again, prompting her to stand up, releasing a loud groan at the ache on her head and back. 

“Kauthar, lafiya?” Ismail asked. 
She opened the door, “Yes, I think I slept off.”

He laughed, “Ai na ga alama–I thought as much.” She released a small smile and closed the door after him. She went to the girls’ room and woke them up to pray. Once she was done with her own prayer, which she had to perform in the girls’ room because of Hoor’s pestering, she came back to their room, where Ismail was getting prepared for work. “I won't be coming home as the usual time today.” 

“Toh,” Kauthar replied she yanked off the red duvet to fold it.

“Yeah, we’ll be on the ship today, there’re some repairs needed in the engine room.” He said as he adjusted the collar of his navy blue coverall.
She turned towards him with a smile. He caught her reflection and turned around, with a comb in his hand. “Any problem?”

She shook her head and scanned his attire, “Are you sure this is yours?"

He looked down immediately, then at her, “You’re not serious.” he faced the mirror again.

“I’m just saying o, cos it looks oversize.”

His head whipped towards her as he narrowed his eyes, “Don’t try me o.” He warned.

She shrugged and turned to grab a pillow, “Fine, since you don’t believe me. Go and ask the girls then.”

Ismail looked down again, then he stretched his hands, feeling the long sleeves constricting. He squatted and felt the ruffled gathering at the waist expanding. Suddenly he heard a loud cough.