My life as a teen

Chapter 1: just a bit of back ground..

Dear diary:

As I lay in bed every night I think about the days before I lost everyone.
The days where I could smile at every moment and not need a reason. Days when I never cried out for love or not to be alone. I always had someone right around the coroner.

But then something happened.. I lost everyone no one wanted to be my friend, as soon as I got close I would fuck up and they would always leave. I don't think I have ever had a friend stay in my life for more then 3 years.. They all come and go.. I always say to my self I wish I could have my old life back, but that will never happen. I always try my best to smile around my so called "friends" but as soon as I'm alone all I seem to do is cry. I wear long sleeves all year round, never showing my body to anyone, I am ashamed of what I've done to my body, because you see what I've done is messed up, I've been to hospital about 6 times in the past year or two for suicide attempts and close to death due to my weight (ill tell you more about my weight later) but I always got so close that I fail..

My mum doesn't want anything to do with me it's been what 16 years of my life and now she wants me in her life, we'll fuck that, she was never there growing up my, little Brother was always her favourite out of the two of use...

My dad was something different all together, growing up he was always there, he was like my mum and dad put into one person. As I got older things changed for the worst, I never want to spend time with him, never talked to him like I used to.

I guess I became what you call an "emo" I mean yes I would have my hair on my face and I always had dark cloths on. I never showed my face unless I wanted it to be seen.. But that never happened often. I was a "normal" teenager once but what is normal? No really what is the definition of normal? Come on tell me.
That's right there isn't one.. I've looked and looked but could not find one.. I never really understood what a teenagers life was, everyone's story is different and this is my story, please trust me on this I will go into detail in my life but you still most likely never under stand what I think about, who I think about, what I see, where I go, how I live, and my friends I mean I don't even understand this most of the time...