Alone but certainly afraid. [ Crenny]

O1.

The dark skies seems to imitate the depressing state that he felt, mocking the dead as rain poured on their graves, a gentle knock to wake the rotten corpses with their names displayed. Death has never felt so close yet so far to reach, in a world of people he couldn't seem to just find the peace that he yearned to experience. The dirty blonde compliments the darkened state he's in, the torn up orange parka seemed to be ripping off as his heart was beating in a rapid pace around these empty walls. Standing above a grave that he haven't left for two days, ''Karen, have you ever felt so alone but certainly afraid.'' The rain poured down harder, as the boy sat on the patch of wet grass that was dying. He really wanted to know how death feels like.

---

Silence, the dead house was surrounded by silence. His father, Stuart McCormick has been charged and has been sent for 6 years in prison for the use of illegal substance. It's ironic that out of all the people who uses drugs he was the one caught for it, but at this point he wasn't complaining, while his mother screwing around other men when Stuart got arrested, but could he complain? Not really, they haven't gotten the freedom they deserve when he was still in this house. What was his next course of action? Was he still waiting for someone to tell him what? Pathetic, he wanted the freedom yet in the end he's still waiting for something or someone to tell him what he should do.

Silent breathing, he heard nothing but himself pitying at the life he's forced to live in, he admitted multiple times that he never deserved to be born, especially not his sister, not in this fucked up family eitherway. The idea of running away was always on his mind yet where would he go? Where would he turn to? The shitty people that lived here? I don't think that's the plan he had in mind, if he went further whats the point if he couldn't survive, but death was a reasonable option.

He could end it all, but even the blonde didn't have the balls to even do it. It's easier said than done, other's jokingly said it was easy to leave this miserable life yet they never admitted that in the end they couldn't do it, dark reality isn't it. He wasn't ready to see nothing, he wasn't ready or don't want to be judged by some god up there, he personally didn't believe in them yet when Karen died he just hoped she was somewhere better, some paradise she deserved. He hoped she was atleast at ease, because she deserved it for being so young and bright, for having hope but her boundaries had been overstepped, yet he still hoped, that's what Karen would've told him. He desperately pleaded that this god had mercy on his sister.

He sat alone, mourning everything that happened to him, and everything that he lost, and the more hurtful emotions he felt. He really wanted everything to end, his problems, the identity he lost, the joy that became a bitter sweet memory that replayed and embedded on his mind. The past wasn't as bad as it is now, his father atleast had a decent job as he still desperately loved his mother, his mother still had the time for the blonde as her sister was still wrapped comfortably in a pink blanket keeping her warm and safe, how the blonde smiled brightly everytime he talked, he hated how the times have changed, barely looking like what it used to be.

He barely had the money to continue highschool, forcing to drop out and take part time jobs, begging for an overtime just to increase his salary. He saved it for food and just basic necessities thst could be important, leaving some on his own to continue high school or if possible skipping to collage. If neither both option work, it will. He doesn't want to imagine the life of living in the streets, he was lucky they still had their home even if it was in poor condition he felt lucky to have somewhere, or a bed to sleep in and call it a day. He wouldn't dare give up, he wanted to see the other side of what it would look like if he finally finished and struggled everything he did now, he wanted to see the brighter part of life, he wanted to achieve success and being able to live in a proper home like the rest of the residents that lived here, he wanted to finally be part of a fuctioning society, he yearned for that dream, Karen also wished that and he promised he would complete what he promised to both of them.

Even in the darkest times, even if theres nothing to clutch or hold on, he just wanted to see what it would look like. To achieve something nobody would expect to a messed up upbringing, he wanted to change that, to change their views they aren't fucking poor dogshit that was left on the ground, he refused to be seen as that, for his sister's efforts to be pieces of trash. He didn't know how he would get through this alone, he knew his mother was also helping with the money but how long? It's been years, and how can his mother who is growing in age keep this up, he was afraid to lose her too. He wants to stand taller not only for himself but all for his sister, he doesn't care what or what traumatic experience he'll see on the way, he wanted to tell his sister that they've done it, they've finally seen the other side, the dream they always agreed on without judgement or hesitation. He wants to start new, a new perspective that he will force himself to see aslong as it brought him closer to his biggest success.

Personal vent book.
Will still stay on topic and
The plot.