I Wish You Were With Me Now

1-20-15

I was with her yesterday. We were at her house. When I got there she was talking to Erin. Erin doesn’t like me so she hung up. She got dressed and we took a few pictures. Then we went downstairs to her parents bedroom. We were looking for a box, that had sex toys in it. After we had gone through the box we went into the bed. Laid down. We watched youtube for a minute and then we cuddled. I could not stop smiling. We went back up to her bedroom and laid in her bed for a minute and then she sat on me and pretended to fuck me. I told her I had swimming suit bottoms on instead of underwear. She told me we should get in the bath with our swimsuits on. I resented taking my pants off for about ten minutes. I didn’t want her to see my cuts cause she might cut again too. I finally took my pants off and got in the bathtub with her. We sat there for a minute and then she closed the curtain. She started by saying that her and Erin are going to break up anyways so why not. She kissed me. I can not explain how right it felt with her lips pressed against mine. She claimed she should break up with Erin. I nodded as I pressed my lips to hers again. This went on for a few more minutes and I could feel more butterflies in my belly than blood in my body. It felt so right to me. I know I love her. I know that I want her more than I want to fucking live. I don’t care what my dad or my family or my friends or even all those kids who have messed with me since first grade have to say. I want her and if I get her I will try so hard not to lose her. She could be my princess. She could be my 3 in the morning wake up call. She is the reason I am still waking up day after wretched day. She makes the heartache a little more bearable. I don’t want much from her. I don’t just want sex or someone to show off. I want to know every little thing there is to know about her. I want her to trust me. I want her to love me, and I want to love her. I want to love her with every little piece of me that can. I don’t even care if she never knows how far I fell for her. I don’t care if she never feels the same way. I would die for a chance to brush the hair out of her face while kissing her soft lips. I would steal her a star if I could hold her hand. I know she doesn’t always think of herself as beautiful. I want to be the one to make her realize she is more than perfect to me. She is the sun and the moon and the stars all in one. She is so kind. She is the best thing in my life right now and I hope she still is in ten years. I want to feel her morning breath against mine as we wake up next to each other every morning. I want to make her dinner even though I am terrible at cooking. I want to buy her flowers and surprise her with rooftop dinners on our anniversary. I want to walk through the school with her hand in mine while people look. I want everyone to know that she is mine and I am hers. I don’t want to hide my feelings anymore. I don’t want to hide holding her hand under a blanket when her cousin is talking about how she should be with me and not Erin. But she will never love me like she loved Erin. Erin was her first love. She is my first love. They say you never really get over your first love. I want to make her forget that she loved her. I want to be the one she is with when people are giving her crap. I want to hold her in the middle of the night as she cries on my shoulder. I can be there. I want to be there. I hope she wants me to be there. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. She saved me. Then she broke me. And then she saved me again. I know it will never be perfect. I don’t want it to. I only want it to be me and her. Together.