Sunshine | gaara crack fic

Nine

Kurama has joined the chat!

Shukaku: [Fuck this shit I'm out~]

Kurama: {Mothers and fuckers of the jury.}

oh, what's this? Ellie backstory? 👀 it's more likely than you think—

::

"Ellie, you're all-knowing and stuff, right?"

Said redhead eyed the blond beside her. She shrugged, her voice coming out muffled by the ridiculous amount of pocky sticks shoved in her mouth. "Yeah, I guess."

"Any words of wisdom? Make it like super vague, so I can mull over it for a long time and use it to fit whatever dramatic event that's happening."

Slowly, Ellie swallowed all the pocky sticks. Whole. Naruto wasn't really sure what was going on over there with that, but knew better than to ask. "Sure." She cleared her throat. With a bit of magic that Naruto did not know about and should not know about, her eyes glowed an ominous green.

"Two fair men lie in water warm and slow,

As brothers they are joined heart to heart,

But Cupid hath not struck them with his bow,

Lest that be thought, they sit five feet apart."

"Woah."

Ellie nodded sagely and rummaged through her jacket pockets for another pocky stick. "Uh-huh. All-knowing, amiright?"

"What does it mean?"

"It means," Ellie leveled him with a flat stare. "You're gay."

::

Gaara sat upside down, listening to Naruto ramble about who-knows-what while he baked muffins. They were decked out in fancy shit, seeing as they were going to a political meeting with people they actually cared about, to discuss future relations with the Mizukage and their council.

Naruto wore a nice white dress shirt and black pants, a dark orange blazer to go along with his orange eyeshadow.

Gaara wore a similar white shirt, with a deep red skirt, red eyeshadow, and eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man. Needless to say, he was abso-fucking-lutely killing it.

Ellie walked in at that moment, yawning and looking as though she had been birthed in a dumpster and never bothered to get out of it until this morning. She blinked, staring at the two. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I've finally seen two pretty best friends."

"Ellie." Gaara sat up, a serious, grateful look on his face as he placed a hand on his chest. "That is literally the nicest thing you've ever said about me. Thank you."

"Should I get a frog summon?" Naruto said suddenly.

Gaara subsequently tackled him, shrieking, "No! Don't you fucking dare!" He paused. "Don't make me throw fucking hands in my best skirt." Gaara hissed.

"Okay, okay! Why though?"

Eyes wide, Gaara stared at Naruto, attached to him like a sloth would a tree. "Naruto," he whispered. "They're so fucking slimy."

"Danz-hoe." Ellie coughed.

"Okay, geez! What summon should I get then?"