The Melody of Lost Souls

Stay with Me, A

THE TRIP TO the hotel was not what I expected. Not only do I now despise Rudy, but I don't remember why I ever liked the Dive in the first place. It was a pit of despair and, apparently, homophobic jerks. Come to think of it, was I ever sober going in there? There was no way I'd go in there sober. But, Dan, he loved it, and that's why I went. I went anywhere he went, no questions asked.

Discovering that Dan was saving money for Eli was both surprising and uncharacteristic. I didn't expect Dan to be so selfless. He's always been a sap, and he talked about Elijah more than he probably thought about drugs. But the fact that he was even saving up money for his brother... The temptation to waste it on drugs must have been brutal. I didn't think Dan had it in him.

Elijah leans against the bus stop, scrolling through his phone. His look is thoughtful, and I know this trip hadn't been easy for him either. He'd always known Dan had a separate life, away from Eli and their parents, but seeing it for the first time was no doubt a shock. It shocked me because he had a room at the Jupiter when no one else took him in. I never had that. June was the first and only person to bother giving me a place to stay, but she's my sister, she kind of has to.

"Why do you want to be with me, A? I'm a complete fuck up who will only drag you down. You deserve someone better who will pick you up."

For the longest time, I've only been focused on Dan. The man who didn't want anything to do with me, who only dragged me down. He was so self-destructive and didn't care who fell with him, but I couldn't see that at the time. I only saw Dan's sunny smile heard his charming, intelligent word. I didn't think I'd love anyone else, despite the way Dan kept pushing me away.

But Eli changed everything. I know I more than likely fell for him because he was Dan's twin, but the two of them couldn't be more different. Eli is so full of life, and he makes me want to be a better person. He makes me feel happy, genuinely so, even if we're stuck in a rather dangerous situation. I haven't even really thought much about doing drugs when I'm with Eli, and I have plenty of reasons to want to be on drugs right now (like the fact that I am fucking paralyzed from the waist down. Oh, and the childhood trauma that likes to rear its ugly head from time to time).

Would Eli be the one to pick me up?

I want him to be that person. I want to be that person for him, too, even though I am the last person to pick anyone up. I am hardly a reliable person, but I'm trying.

My chest tightens as I study the way Eli's brown hair curls around his ear. He's letting it grow out, and it suits him. His long lashes brush his soft cheeks as he smiles at something on the phone. His limbs are long and robust. Not too lanky, not too thick. He's surprisingly gentle and caring, unlike Dan, who was always so harsh.

When are you going to stop comparing Elijah with Dan?

His rich voice cuts through my progress. "The bus comes in five minutes." When his hazel eyes meet mine, my breath escapes, and he frowns. "Are you sure you're okay?"