In the Hands of Fate // lee heeseung

003

(Four years later) Maybe life was supposed to be bland. Or maybe me thinking that way is how I convince myself that the turmoil in my life wasn't my fault. Whatever it was, I didn't care. Not as much as I had when I was a teenager. 4 years ago when I moved away from that city.

Back then, I promised myself that I would start fresh. No friends, no people holding me back from who I wanted to be, and no more promises to anyone except myself. In my opinion, promises give people false hope. They're for people who believe that fate exists. I don't believe it does.

I rubbed my eyes hard and took another sip of coffee. Bland. Life is bland. The only thing I've done since I got my job was work, sleep, eat, and drink bland bitter coffee. I didn't mind it though. It was better than nothing.

"Hey, Minhee," Sooah called from the next office, "can you please review all the files for the new project tonight? I have a date! Thanks, hun, bye!" I glanced over at her and she went back to texting. I disliked the people who lived life with excitement and joy. Nothing against her being happy, but this was her 5th date this week and I was almost positive it was a different guy each time.

Sooah was one of those girls who didn't take dating seriously. When she saw an attractive guy, she'd date him until she saw a more attractive guy. It amazed me how carefree she was. Well, she wasn't carefree because all she cared about was being the most liked or the prettiest.

I took the files off her desk and opened the top one. Paperwork. Essays. Rough drafts. I sighed and pressed my hand on my forehead, closing my eyes. A bland life meant bland work. I picked up a pencil and used the eraser to scan the words. Blah blah new project blah blah next year blah blah blah.

The same thing I read every day. I closed the top files and stared up at the twirling fan. If I wouldn't have left, my life would be better, I knew that. I didn't have a choice and if I was to go back to that time, and I did have a choice, I would still leave.

I couldn't even remember that boy's name. I only remembered his face. His disgusting face. Of course, after I left, I didn't try and keep myself "holy" just for him, or anyone. Yeah, I had sex, had boyfriends, and crap. I didn't want a stupid promise to get in the way of my failing love life.

Remembering his face meant nothing to me. He meant nothing to me. He is a part of my past that I will never encounter again. If I had felt that I would meet him, then I never would've made that promise. But a promise is just words with no meaning.

All of that is what I tell myself every day. I remember his name. His beautiful face. Everything. I mean, I did have boyfriends and do the deed before, but obviously regretted it. He still meant everything to me. He was still a part of my life whether I wanted him to be or not. If I was to go back, I would stay.

In fact, that memory of Heeseung is the only thing that keeps me alive every day. Him and that stupid promise. When I'm hurting, I just close my eyes, imagine him, and whisper to myself, "Then jump," and I feel better. I knew that the second I jump, I'd regret it. I was glad that he made me realize that.

Someone tapped my shoulder, snapping me out of my daze. I looked back slowly to see Seon, our new employee smiling at me. "What?" I asked. He grinned wider, "I'm treating everyone to dinner tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted to go. If you don't, that's okay." he muttered.

I sighed. I was hungry. It was getting late, and it was the weekend. I shrugged, "Why not? What time?" I asked. He pumped his fist in the air, "Yes! Be at Doore Yoo in 30 minutes! I'll save you a seat next to me." he chirped before walking off.

I was still for a few seconds, then chuckled. He would be so happy about his new job for around 3 weeks and then I'd say he'd quit. This is not a job that people find interesting. Nothing was better than reviewing and making plans for investments in projects. Note the sarcasm.