After Saving Draco [ONGOING / REWRITING]

chapter thirteen

Tala. 143 days before May 4, 1999.

"Come on Tiny, I'll try harder. Isn't that enough?"

      "Tiny, isn't this enough? I'm trying to try!"

      "I'll try! Isn't it enough, Tiny?"

      Draco's empty promises continued to echo through my mind, getting used to hearing those same words at least twice a week for the last month.

      I didn't even notice that a single drop had managed to escape my eyes, falling down silently across my left cheek as I continued to sew.

      I began to hide in the now healed Room of Requirement whenever I wasn't in class, sewing dresses for Luna and Hermione for Slughorn's Christmas party as gifts. I already finished my dress and the sweaters I've been working on for the house-elves, I've been spending more time in here than I do for actual classes.

      I was falling behind as I watched my friends slowly get further away from me, heading to their bright futures as I was losing hope for mine. I even started looking forward to the detentions I'd receive for missing so much school and not turning in assignments, at least the house-elves kept me company in the Kitchens. The only class I was still doing well in was Potions, but only because I was a cheater and already memorized Dad's book. I couldn't find a point in trying anymore, either outcome in May, I won't even graduate.

      And after everything recently, seeing my mom and dad again didn't seem all that bad right now.

      I've been avoiding Harry all month, getting tired of Draco getting angry over the littlest things. I ignored Harry even though he's been the only one around that let's me breathe — and when he holds me, he feels so warm. But I didn't want to upset Draco, not when I already feel him slipping away.

      He's just so different now, I didn't understand where I went wrong.

      Am I not teaching him enough? What else can I do for him when he just doesn't listen to me? No matter how many chances I give him, no matter how many times I tell him what's right from wrong — any progress he makes, he takes three steps backwards.

      But we're okay right now, we kissed and made up.

      Again, and again, and again.

      It's routine now. Why is it that whenever he thinks he's going to lose me, he turns back into the person that I fell for. The scared boy who's hands I held tighter under the table when he was afraid of the Dark Lord, when he hated torturing people instead of bullying them now. The sweet boy who promised me a future, and despite how I used to put myself first, I died for him.

I had a choice to stay with my parents.

      I had a choice to stay with Olivia.

      But I came back for him, because I love him.

And then everything changed.

I'm starting to think I made the wrong choice.

      After I give into the same empty promises he makes me, the same words that I'm so sick of hearing — he switches like nothing ever happened. It was like he didn't just make me cry out to Harry, like he didn't just hurt me. But I still gave into those words, because I wanted to meet the person I fell for again, even if it was just for a few minutes.

      It was enough to keep me going.

It's so pathetic, what's happening to me?

I would've never let myself get treated this way back when I was selfish, back when I put myself first.