MY SALVATION

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble? -Psalm 27:1
Prologue
12 years ago-

"Andrew!" I whisper yelled from the back isle and a women with aging grey hair turned and shushed me. I wasn't getting anything from him anyway, He was to busy watching my father preaching on the pulpit. I can almost picture his bright blue eyes wide with fascination.

Andrew always loved when my father was preaching and I knew He wasn't gonna come with me outside to hangout. So I sigh and quietly walk towards his seat and sit next to him.

He takes a quick glance at me, smiles and then turns back to looking at my father. I haven't seen him in over a month. I realized I haven't been breathing this whole time. Till I sat next to him. I finally feel like I can breath again. It has been hard these passed few weeks. Yes we talked on the phone, but it wasn't the same.

I look him over, and roll my eyes. His mother had him wearing a beige suit with a blue button up shirt, to make his eyes even more bright I bet. His black hair is sleeked back with some sort of sticky, greasy thing and he's wearing laced up shiny shoes.

His mother is just as bad as mine. I fight with my mother every Sunday over how I dress for church.... and she always wins. I look down to my pale pink dress and rose gold flats. This is usually what I always wear on Sunday's, cute dresses and matching shoes. I also can't forget the matching bows in my pale blond hair.

If it was up to me I'll wear jeans and a T-shirt. I can't embarrass my father.. those are my mothers words, not mine. At least I'm allowed to wear whatever I want at the mid week service's and bible studies.

I sit back and watch my father preaching the gospel . He catches my gaze and smiles at me. His grey eyes, similar to mine, are shining bright. He had brown hair, While my mother had blond hair like mine. I smile back and he winks at me.

I look around our beautiful church. Banners with scriptures along the white walls. A stain glass window behind my father, designed in a cross.

My father was the pastor of a Christian church. He was very well known and respected here in our home town.

As soon as my father finishes the choir started playing music and Andrew finally looks my way. "Hey Elli, I missed you." He said and wraps an arm around me in a quick side hug.

He's called me Elli since we where 3 and it just stuck, everyone calls me that now. My real name is Elizabeth parker.

Andrews been gone all month. His father, my fathers deacon had to go do some sort of business. And for some reason he had to take his whole family with him. Including my best friend Andrew and his two younger brothers, Ezekiel and Jeremiah. They are all separated by only two years. Andrew is 14, like me. Ezekiel is 12 and Jeremiah is 10.

I smile, "I missed you too." That was the understatement of the century.

"You want to go out side?" He asked me, with a knowing smile. I beam and nod. We quickly stand up and head out side, Andrew leading the way.

As we get to our little garden in the back of the church, he turns to me and takes out a little black box. "I got you something from florida." And he hold out the little black velvet box to me.

My eyes go wide like saucers. Oh my god! Oh my god! I just keep chanting in my head. Frozen. I can't move a muscle. Because I already know what it is.

When we where little, we agreed that when we get older we will promise our selves to each other. But the truth is as time went on, I didn't think it was gonna happen. I kinda figured he was gonna date someone else and promise himself to her.

With shaking fingers I reach out and wrap my hand around the box. I open it and my heart burns. I can feel butterflies in my stomach. I look at him and he had a big smile on his face, but then it falters as he notices my eyes watering.

A tear rolls down my face and his eyes go wide. "Hey come on angel," another one of his nicknames, but this one he called me when we where alone. "If your not ready, its ok. We can wait, or if you don't want to at all, its ok too."

I shake my head no, but I'm saying no to his words. Not no to him, but he takes it that I don't want the ring. I see his eyes watering but he quickly blinks them away. "Its ok, Angel. I'm not mad." He reaches to grab the box with the his and hers promise rings, but I snatch it away.

"No," I croak. "I want to, I was shaking my head no, to your words. Not no to you." He sighs in relief and pulls me into his arms.

He grabs the box and this time I let him. He pulls out the thinest ring and says. "Elizabeth hope parker. I promise my self to you. I promise to not look, or touch anyone else. I promise to give you all of me. I promise to only ever be with you sexually after we get married."

"And I promise to love you, More and more each day as I have started loving you since we where 4 years old."

Now tears are falling down my face like non stop rain. He slides the ring on my finger exactly where my wedding ring should be. I smile at him and he reaches up and brushes my tears away.

I grab his ring from the box and he puts the box in his pocket. "Andrew Joel Taylor," I wrote all this down when I saw 10. " I promise to never look, touch or be with anyone else but you. I promise to you my heart, body and soul. I gave you my heart when we where kids, I give you my body after marriage and I give you my soul today."

"I promise to love you forever, as I have nearly all my life already. I love you." And I put the ring on his finger where his wedding ring should go.

He smiles, reaches up and cups my face with his hands. A new set of butterfly's are stirring inside my stomach. He leans down and kisses me gently. I gasp softly at the contact.

Are first kiss.

And I didn't know it then but it was our last kiss.

Who knew, the best day of my life, could also be the worst day of my life.

That same night my parents died in a car crash. They where coming home from a house visit. And some drunk driver crashed into them.

I was home taking care of my little brother Peter. When out of know where deacon Taylor came over with tears in his eyes. He took me home.

The next three days where a blur. Funerals and stuff. People telling me my parents where better then us in heaven etc.. I cried so much the first night that I was numb now.

While people prayed and had a church service at the funeral I went outside unable to handle it. What kind of god would do something like this.

My parents where perfect, they where kind, caring. Loving. They didn't deserve this.

What kind of god, would leave two kids orphaned. At least I'm old enough but my brother is only 10, he still needs my mother. This isn't fare.

So that was the day, the first day, I took my eyes off god. And I planned to never look back at him.

My grandmother. My mothers mom took me and my brother, to her house in Phoenix. It was only a few hundred miles from from Oakland California but it felt like light years away.