Talks with Pen

WHEN 'LOVE' CAME TO ME

"Love shall mould you in its heavenly patterns", Ma uttered warmly

Glimpsing at the babyblue mid-summer sky,

Beaming gently with tawny blotched Sandpipers

The Chambré breeze grazing her slender features.

A sudden urge of asking quavered me.
Ma,

What if I tell you 'how' love changed me?

What if I narrate the 'gifts' it had endowed me with?

My dampening sighs of beggary as his nightmarish roars thundered on the walls.

Those dusks of his lashings and my dawns of garlanding them as bounties, my skin breathes; undraped

Smarting mulberry shaded wounds settled under my elegant mermaid gown, he bought it once upon a time

Hours of fervent tossing and turning at doorsteps while 'he' slumbered in comfort of strange embraces.

His drunken voice whispering mean spirited insults, I call myself menial and grisly.

Autumn days of being in a palatial apartment, bloodstained leaves and I rooted for 'homeliness'.

Sprouting waterworks painting my ivory bed, I was abandoned, sans the once betrothed warmth. 

Ma, love did endowed me in abundance,

But not those blossoming rose petals.

For when I stare into the dingy mirror,

I catch sight of puzzling and striking tales of mine.

I am no longer the self made woman I desired to be.

I cannot latch onto the my once happy soul, 'tis blemished wretchedly.

My smile  slowly but surely resembles a plastic.

The winged flowers in our backyard are at death's door,

For he cleaved my wings that he once took care of,

And I know not how to glide high, wingless.

The sun up above my pastel roof is bading me a forlorn goodbye;

It doesnt want to leave me yet it has to,

For he named me as 'curse' to all that grows,

And we all cut and run from those who are star-crossed.

He vowed to stay close until death do us apart,

Now he hurls me like bedraggled, taupe feathers of Dove,

And I can watch myself being plunged into Lucifer's crestfallen empire.

My round face shelters the blares of his thumps and scars;

Maybe I am savouring those reddish-purple flushes on my crumpling cheeks,

Which won't mend even when nursed by nest of moondust stars.

Did love augment the demon in him?

The ink is shrivelling up both in my pen and heart,

As I scrawl to you my final letters into words,

I am swallowing the Tartarean venom he crammed for me.

The licorice marble tiles beneath me are cracking into barbed borders, pulling us apart.

Let me know all Ma,

Before my silhouette is in blur of fossil waves.

Before the only suntanned duvet slips off my hands.

They are sick and tired of cradling my briny howlings.

Questions after questions are blearing up on me.

Shall love desert me on a God forsaken road?

Shall it teach me to loathe my own breaths?

Shall it engrave me into soulless stones prior my eleventh hour?

Now here I am

Lurching at the foggy exit,

To be curdled like those worm eaten berries,

Sagging from head to knees to rot,

Like the divorced morrow's dust reeking lovelessness.

Ma,

Will my stings and stabs be over then?

Will he rewake to hymn another hell in my heaven?

Will he torment me in someone again?

                               - SAIMA
                                (Chammi)

Why these words?

What happens when love take us for granted? When there are trashes in the name of love? When there are nasty compliments in the name of love? Often love is told to be blind, but when it snatches away your smile, heart, body and soul, you aren't a human anymore. You breathe, but only because your lungs puff out the air. You cry, not because you are in pain but because the tears just flow out, they leave you in deep slumber. Love shall find us, in different colors, but it never takes away the shades you already have in your sky. It shall never be a violence, for love has always washed all that was dark and dingy.