Little Phoenix (Harry Potter Fanfiction)

56. Losing Yourself

Over the next several weeks, Nic seemed to almost be running on autopilot. She wrote reports, did homework, listened in on people's conversation, and kept her head down. Umbridge began making it a sort of game to try and get a rise out of her, but she never let it work. After another terrible class of Umbridge's during which Harry got another week's detention, Tyriq remarked quietly, "I'm surprised you didn't lose it."

"I didn't listen," Nic muttered back. "How else do you think I've been surviving her class? Now get back to Malfoy, he's giving you funny looks." Ty sighed and backtracked to walk with Draco.

"Nic!" Hermione called a few days later, catching up with her in the hall. She turned and waited for her to catch up. "Look, we're starting a club of sorts to properly learn Defense Against the Dark Arts. Harry's teaching. We figured you want to join, maybe even bring in a few other Hufflepuffs?"

"Sure," Nic replied without much enthusiasm.

"Can you ask Tyriq too?" Hermione asked.

"Sure," Nic repeated. "See you later." Hermione stared after her in confusion as she walked away.

"Wait, Nic, there's a meeting next Hogsmeade trip."

"Then I can't go," Nic said simply, facing her. "I'll join, but Umbridge took away all my Hogsmeade trips."

"What, why?" Hermione groaned.

"Teach me a lesson," Nic shrugged, not really caring at the moment. "I'll let a few people know and send them over."

"Thanks," Hermione replied. That night Nic was curled up on the couch of the common room before the fire.

"Hey," Ty greeted, sitting down next to her.

"How's pretending to be a jerk going?" Nic asked.

"It's not me," Tyriq said dully. "I feel like I'm losing who I am. I'm spending so much time pretending that..."

"I know," Nic whispered. "I feel like I'm suppressing who I am just to...just to survive."

"There's only one thing I can hold on to to make me feel like myself," Tyriq admitted.

"What's what?" Nic asked.

"Just...an anchor," he replied quietly. Nic smiled softly.

"I guess I have an anchor too," she admitted. Letting out a small laugh, Nic chuckled, "Do you remember Christmas, third year? We spent the entire break playing games and reading by the fire."

"You remember that snowball fight we had?" Tyriq laughed, his eyes growing light and happy for the first time all year.

"Yeah," Nic laughed. Sobering, she admitted, "I miss this, just...hanging out together. It seems like we don't do that much."

"Well we have Quidditch now," Ty replied. "Maybe we can hang out then." How wrong he was was unfortunate as their new captain was pushing them so hard they barely had time to breathe. As it was Friday night, the practice didn't end until nine p.m. and they finally got to go to bed, but Nic decided to finally make use of the prefects bathroom they were given access to. She changed into a swimsuit and filled the bathtub. The warm water surrounded her and she finally allowed herself to relax.

After a couple laps around the gigantic tub, she got out and dried off. Once she was in some clothes she'd brought with her, she left and went back to the common room. "Hey," Tyriq greeted. "Where'd you go?"

"Oh, just went to freshen up," Nic replied, beginning to tie her wet hair in a long braid down her back. "So what're your plans for the weekend?"

"Spy on Malfoy, do homework, spy on Malfoy, write a report, Quidditch practice, and did I mention I have to spy on Malfoy?" Tyriq replied.

"Hey, calm down," Nic replied. "You need to take a bit of a break, okay?"

"How?" he asked. "This stuff all still has to be done."

"Just, take a breather," Nic ordered, grabbing onto his hands. "Why don't you go get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Tyriq sighed. Nic gave him a quick hug before heading to curl up in her dorm.