Authors note: I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever, I started cutting again and it's been hard to get on. But thanks for all the support. Here's a poem I wrote the morning after I started again.
Last night I cut again. Or at least tried, the blade just wouldn't slice like my old one did. Maybe next time ill take apart my sharpener. Maybe then it will cut like I remember it. Maybe then I will feel the satisfaction I once felt. Maybe then I will bleed the way I want. Not just a little scratch. Not just a little red mark. Not just a little blood. I want a thin line of blood. I want a somewhat deep cut. I want it to look perfect. My old scars are still there. My old memories are still there too. My old life I wish I had. But no I can't have happiness. But no I can't have love. But no I can't be pain free. Maybe if I hurt myself I can be happy. Maybe.... Just maybe I can feel alive
