How Can I Love the Heartbreak

FIVE: Till it Runs Dry, Farewell

FIVE

'Till it Runs Dry, Farewell'

The holidays sneak upon them without much notice.

It's like she'd fallen asleep sometime in October and woke up to December. Time had flown by somehow, excruciating and painful, but it passed.

With December coming, holiday parties are right around the corner. Renata asks her if she wants to attend their Christmas get-together, and Ela has been reluctant, hesitant to do much these days because nothing feels right when she's doing it alone. After spending the last five years attending parties with a constant plus one, it's hard to do it by herself.

"I'd understand if you can't come," Renata tells her sympathetically as they discuss the party. Renata's eyes are soft when she looks at Ela, and she looks a little...hesitant. "You know naman Ollie and Fern are friends diba?"

And yes, of course, there had been many days and nights spent with the four of them frolicking around town or having dinner together.

"He already asked Fern and Fern's already agreed to attend e," Renata continues and Ela understands. "So if you don't want to see him, I get it."

There's a part of Ela that doesn't want to go. She can't fathom the idea that she'd have to see Fern, because despite being in the same field, they haven't really seen much of each other since the break up. She's thankful for that because she hadn't really been ready to see him.

But how long is she going to hide from him? How long can she really avoid him?

The thing about fears and things that make her uncomfortable is...she needs to face them head on so she never has to fear them again. Sooner or later, she'd have to see Fern anyway.

"It's okay, I'll be there," she tells Renata who looks at her anxiously, disbelievingly. "I won't miss it for the world." She gives her friend a small smile that probably looks more like a grimace.

What's wrong with ripping her heart out now when it's already torn into sheds anyway?

.::.

If Fern is honest with himself, he'd admit that a large part of him had agreed to attend the party because he knew Ela would be there. He knows Ela well enough to know that his attendance would not deter her. He knows Ela well enough to know that she'd want to get the uncomfortable out of the way. They're bound they meet somehow somewhere. Even this planet wouldn't be that big, and she'd want to get that over with.

But Fern couldn't be that honest with himself, and he reasons with himself that he's attending because his good friend had invited him and not because of Ela.

If only he could convince himself that it's true. Anthony and Ollie had warned him, nothing good could come out of this, but did he listen? Of course not. Not if it means he gets to see Ela.

Even if he has to look at her from a distance.

.::.

The party is already in full swing when Ella arrives, her black dress clinging to her in the right places. She has taken pains to look made up tonight.

Not because of Fern, of course not. She had dressed up to show everyone that she's okay, and to convince herself that she is. She's not sure it's working, but she supposes she can keep pretending until it becomes the truth. Fake it till you make it kinda thing.