Random stuff :///

Prompts based on random stuff my Ex has texted to me

This was all over text so if it doesn't make sense, sorry💖

-"Ah, okay, as long as she doesn't throw me out a window"

-"Well I hope she doesn't chuck her PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY out the window!"

-"I'm gonna buy a tarantula for you" "no thanks"

-"Okay, what's your address again?" "Why?" "So I can send you the Bear and the flamethrower"

-"wanna see a spotted dick?" *5 minutes later* "[name]?"

-"I have figured out how to download gifs"

-"Do you reckon that the statue of liberty is naked underneath or has underwear on under her dress?"

-"I'm...dying" "I'll call emergency services!" "No" "yes" "it's just blood, it's fine" "JUST BLOOD?!" "Yeah" "YOU'RE BLEEDING?!!" "It usually happens for about a week, no biggie" "oh"

-"That's not very Christ of you"
*Proceeds to take shirt of and hold a bible in the air*

-"are you a rubber or a stroker?" "In what context?" "Petting animals, you dirty girl"

-"do you have a cat?" "I have three dogs, two goats, twenty-something sheep, twenty-four hens, one rooster and I don't remember how many cattle"

-"Imma eat your sheeps"

and my personal favourite

Person A: "Give me twenty-three reasons why you don't want a bear"
Person B: *proceeds to type
1. B
2. E
3. C
4. A
5. U
6. S
7. E
8. I
9. D
10. O
11. N
12. '
13. T
14. W
15. A
16. N
17. T
18. A
19. B
20. E
21. A
22. R
23. !
*