Malec Shorts

10,000 Hours... Of pickup lines.

I had a problem. Isabelle, my evil little sister, had given my boyfriend, despite my many, many, objections, a book of pick-up lines. Not only were they pick-up lines, but they were REALLY bad ones. I thought she hadn't given it to him, but boy, was I wrong. It started like this...

We were in the library. It was silent, everyone flipping through books or rummaging through shelves. 

"Alexander?" Magnus asked, shutting his book and looking up at me with a serious expression. 

"Hmm?" I hummed in response. 

"Are you a book?" He questioned innocently. I was about to ask what on earth he was talking about when suddenly, he spoke again. "Because I'm checking you out."

"By the Angel," I mumbled, my face in my hands. "Isabelle gave you a pick-up line book, didn't she?" 

"Wah?" Magnus said in exasperation. "Is that the only reaction I'm going to get? And no, she did not!" 

"Oh yeah, then what's that book you're reading?"

Magnus grinned, showing me the book. I had never heard of it. It was called, "Hamilton."

"It's really good," Magnus smiled. "I saw the musical on Disney+ the other day when you went out on duty. So I wanted to read the book. It's about..."

"No." I cut him off. "Just no."

And as if it couldn't get any worse, Magnus always had a line for any occasion. One time, he had a cold, and, in between sniffles, told me that if people were boogers, he'd pick me first. 

And another time, this one WAY worse, he'd said, "Are you my math homework? Because I'll slam you on the table and do you all night." 

To make matters worse, we had been in my office at the Institute, and Andrew Underhill had walked in just in time to hear him say the last eleven words. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Underhill asked, his cheeks burning red, though not as red as mine. 

"No!" I forced a smile. "Not at all! We were just... uh... um, we were working on the, uh, the demon cases."

"Demons cases? What demon cases?"

"Uh, oh! I, uh... Haven't you heard?" I asked. 

Andrew shook his head. Magnus watched with clear amusement covering his features. 

"There's uh, there's demons! Yeah, pesky little things. They're everywhere. And they, er, they are evil?"

Andrew looked to Magnus, who quickly hid his amusement, replaced by a serious expression, nodding vigorously. 

Andrew looked back at me in disbelief. "Are you guys... okay?" He asked slowly. 

"Fine," I squeaked. 

"Riiiiiiggghhttt," He tapped the papers he was holding in his hand. "I brought you the files on those rogue vampires." He handed me the files, and I took them, grateful for the change of conversation. 

On my birthday, he had teamed up with Jace and Izzy. My siblings had told me that Magnus had a client, but would arrive soon. In the meantime, they had handed me a lamp. 

"Happy birthday, bro!" Jace said, clapping me on the back. "Rub the lamp, think of a wish, and it will appear!" He smiled. 

"Seriously?"

"Yes! It's really cool! Wish for anything!" 

"You guys do know that none of that genie stuff is real, right? It's all..."

"Just do it!" They said in unison. 

I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing the lamp. I opened my eyes again, but nothing had changed. 

Suddenly, a flash blinded me for a second, and bam! There in front of me stood, in a full genie costume, the one, the only, Magnus Bane. 

"Here I am!" He smiled. "Now, what were your other two wishes?"

Actually, that one hadn't been very bad. It was actually one of the best birthdays I had had. 

And now, here I stood, with Magnus, fighting off a Hydra demon. 

I knew it was coming. 

It was gonna happen. 

Any second...

"Alexander?"

Here it comes! "What?"

Oh no. This was going to bad...

"Are you a blackout?"

Oh no. 

"Magnus..."

"Because I can't see anyone else when I'm with you."

"I..." I shot an arrow at the Hydra. "Is this really necessary right now?"

"Well, no, but you know you love it."

"Do I?"

"Yeah," Magnus waved his hands at the Hydra and a burst of bright orange magic shot out at it. 

"Keep dreaming, Sweetheart."

"Oh, hold up." Magnus frowned. "You can call me 'Sweetheart' but I can't call you a nickname?"

"You come up with a good one, and I'll think about it." Alec was out of arrows, so he reached for the seraph blade at his belt. 

"I come up with good ones all the time!" He protested. The Hydra's claw raked across my leg, causing blood to spew out of the wound. 

"No, you don't," I said, ignoring the pain. 

"Sweat pea?"

"No."

"Loverboy?"

"No!"

Magnus hummed as if thinking. "Well, you're brave, strong, perfect in every way possible... oh! Superman!"

"That's even worse than when you called me 'Sugar Daddy.'"

"When did I call you that?" He asked as the Hydra roared.

"You were drunk,"

"Oh, that's wonderful, you remember the ONE time I got drunk with you."

"One?"

"Fine, maybe twice,"

"Twice?"

"Shutup."

With one final slash with my seraph blade, the demon burst into ashes. 

"Magnus," I said. "You are officially grounded from pickup lines."

A/N: Kinda short but can't wait to see your comments! Also, tomorrow is Halloween so... happy Halloween to those who celebrate it! And to those who don't... Happy completely normal day! Or happy Day of The Dead. I think that's on November 1st and 2nd, right? Anyway, happy whatever-you-celebrate.