Captain - An Oliver Wood Fanfiction

Chapter 46 - But when was it time for his happiness to come first?

Erin walked over the Hogwarts grounds, her hands tucked deeply into her pockets. It was six in the morning, but she couldn't sleep anymore, so she had decided to go on a little walk to clear her head. She had spent the entire afternoon yesterday reading Oliver's letters. It had left her a broken mess, so she skipped supper and went to bed very early, causing her to wake up at dawn. She didn't mind though. She could use the time to think.

She sat down on one of the stone benches along the path to Hagrid's hut and pulled her knees up. The sun was rising over the hills, throwing an orange blanket over the wet grass. It was still foggy, creating a calm atmosphere.

She took out Oliver's third letter. She had kept it with her since she had read it. The first two letters were messy and panicky, asking Erin to please talk to him and telling her that he couldn't lose her. But for the third letter, he had sat down and really put the effort in. It was composed, honest and everything Erin loved about him. She opened up the piece of parchment and read it for the fifth time.

Dear Erin

I'm sorry about my last two letters. They were terrible and I should just explain what I'm thinking because this is not getting us anywhere. I don't know if you'll read this letter, I would understand if you didn't, but I just need to get it off my chest and I would never forgive myself if I didn't do anything possible to reach out to you.

So, let me tell you what happened. I'm not going to make any excuses, because I know that what I did was terrible and that it's genuinely all my fault, but I know that you interpreted the situation a lot differently than it was (which I completely understand) and I don't want you to feel sad for the wrong reasons.

I didn't cheat on you and I would never, ever cheat on you. I love you more than anything in the world and there's no one on the planet that I'd ever prefer over you. I don't like Marlo like that at all. I thought she was cool, a bit arrogant sometimes, but an okay friend, but I really don't have feelings for her. You're the only girl I ever had and ever will have feelings for.

So, I didn't sleep with her. Half the team stayed over at my house after we celebrated our win, but they all slept in the guest bedroom or on the couch. No one slept in my room, I promise. Marlo was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She came into my room to wake me up and noticed the mirror.

I'm sorry I didn't stay away from Marlo even though you told me you didn't like her. If I had just cut her out of my life this never would've happened (the misunderstanding at least) and maybe then things would have been different. I just thought it'd be easier to be nice to her because I see her every single day during practice and I didn't want to ruin the team spirit. But I see now where that got me and I promise I'll never speak to her again, I promise.

I just re-read what I wrote and it seems like I'm minimizing the situation and that's not what I want. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I had one opportunity to see you again and I wasn't there. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that.

I'm so ashamed. I didn't not show up because I didn't want to, really, I looked forward to it so much, you have no idea. I couldn't wait to hold you again, to kiss you again and to hear your laugh again. I miss you so much.

But I got drunk, embarrassingly drunk. I really didn't mean to, I wasn't planning on it to happen. But I guess I underestimated the adrenaline and the cheerful atmosphere and I definitely overestimated my ability to handle alcohol. I passed out as soon as I got home and didn't think of setting an alarm. And I missed our date.

Erin, please believe me when I say that I'm so terribly sorry. If I could turn back time, I really would, I'd do anything to do that, but I can't. Just know that I love you more than anything in the world and I really hope that somewhere deep inside, you still love me a little bit as well. I know I messed up so many times and I can't promise you I won't hurt you anymore ever again, but I will promise you that I'll try my absolute best.