Confessions of a Healing Heart

Chapter Two - Kristen

What am I doing? I can't seem to get this dating thing right. It was difficult coming to the realization that everything he said he was, I never got a chance to see. How I could fall for such beautiful lies? I almost let my guard down. For a while, after it ended, I would question myself. Am I worth it? Am I the loving type?

Maranda wants to go out, but I really don't feel like dealing with craziness tonight. She's my best friend, but at times she can be a little ratchet. Only Maranda can be an engineer during the day and basically a professional twerker at the club. I love her though; she's always been there for me.

Hmmmmm, maybe I can tell her that it's that time of the month and I'm not feeling it. Yep that's what I'll do. Where the hell is my phone? Damn, I think that's the doorbell. Please be the twenty items I ordered online. Nope, it's Maranda.

Maranda rushes in the apartment.

"Can you believe he had the nerve to tell me that he didn't want a relationship? He said he only wanted to chill with me! I'm done with guys in this city. I need a drink! Wait, girl why are you not ready?

"Maranda, Mother Nature came and I'm not felling it."

Uh oh, she's giving me that look. She usually looks at her texts like this when the guy she's dating is feeding her bs.

"K, you know your cycle comes a week after mine, and I have another week, so try again", as she laughed. You need to get out of this funk. My grandmother said that the best way to get over an old man is to get under a new one. So, let's go."

"First of all Maranda, your grandmother is the poster child for good Christian women. She'd never tell you that."

"You're right, it was my beautician Christy, but that's beside the point. The point is, get your mopey butt together and let's have fun."

I pouted, but that didn't work. I guess I'm going out tonight.

"Ok-but can we not go to Heat tonight? Your weird co-workers are always there."

"We can go to The Spot K, just get dressed! "

"Alright, alright! Give me a second. I'll just find something quick in the closet."

Great, I don't like that place either, but I've run out of excuses. Let me just see if he text me.

"Girl, I know you're not texting Mr. Eggplant. I already told you that situationship is a bridge to nowhere!, said Maranda as she stands at the closet door.

"Please get your nosey ass out of my closet and phone!" I feel like a dog pinned in a corner, let me change the subject.

"So what happened with Tony?"

Miranda pauses for a moment.

"Girl I told you, he wasn't worth it. I can't do situationships, and you can't either. Come on, we're going to mess around and not get in free, it's almost 11.

I can tell that this is going to be some night.

THE SPOT

Usually I am happy to be out, they're even playing decent music other than mumble rap. Miranda has been talking to people ever since we got here. How does this girl know everyone? For her to have moved her from Austin, you'd think that she's been in San Francisco a long time. Speaking of a long time, we've been here 5 minutes, and I'm already thinking about my bed. I need a drink.

"Here you go, an apple martini", said the waitress

"Thank you, but I didn't order this."

"From the cute guy at the bar with the blue blazer on."

Oh no, it's him. I can't believe he's here. Great, here he comes.

"Hey beautiful! How are you?"

"I'm fine sir. I was hoping to go out and get my mind off of you, but that didn't work.

Sir had this smirk on his face like he knew I would take him back. Damn, he's looking good, so that may happen tonight. Wait, no—what am I doing? I know this isn't supposed to happen, I'm just going to tell him no!

WAITRESS, I NEED ANOTHER!

"Put it on my tab", Sir yells as he winks at the waitress

"So you're going after waitresses now? You're tired of teachers?"

"Who her? No— besides, you're my favorite teacher. I'm willing to be put in detention and make it up", as he moves towards my neck.

"Back up sir, I refused to go there again with you!"

He does smell good, and he would wear the cologne that I bought him.

"You know what Ms. K, the next drink is on me as well. I'll leave you alone.

He begins to walk away, but I give in... he think he's slick, he's walking slow as hell.

"Wait— come back." Stay a while with me."

Are you sure? says Sir.

"No, but if you keep standing over there, I'll change my mind."

As I drive home, I keep trying to talk myself out of it. He's so fine though, and he smells like a blessing, my goodness. I couldn't help but to be next to him. Maybe it's the drinks talking, or maybe it's been the 6 months of not getting any that has me vulnerable. Oh well, I'm home now, and he's right behind me in the driveway.

As I guided him through the door, he took control.

He forcefully turned me and whispered in my ear, right before a gentle nibble, "This is mine".

I melted in his strong arms, and I knew that at least for tonight, I would indulge in selfish pleasure.

We moved to the bed and I let go...

I ripped open his shirt, and I could feel every fiber of his muscles. I bite my lip with anticipation, yearning for him to go as deep as he can.

My body became an ocean, and while I know this is bad, this man could swim. It's like he knew everything to do, almost as if he was programmed to please me.

THE NEXT MORNING

Oh no, I feel like I have "WTF" stamped on my forehead. I'm afraid to turn over. Oh good, he's not next to me.

Phone buzzes

Oh, it's him. Let's see what his texts says.

Text: "Good morning beautiful, sorry I have to leave last night. I really enjoyed you and hope that we can see each other again."

I said I wasn't going to do this. I was hoping it didn't happen. I'm an idiot, and... he's married.

Phone buzzes

Text: "Uh, wake your fast ass up! You have me worried. Jessica told me you left with you know who. Do we need an intervention?"

I'm ashamed to text back, but I can't ignore her text.

Text: "I already know what you're going to say, I don't need an intervention, I need a drink.", I responded in shame.

Text: "You need a whoopin', but I'll hold off. I'll bring the wine later."

What am I doing? I know that I deserve better, and he is the last person that I should be with. I can't go to work, I'll just call a sub. It's the end of the school year anyway.

It's time to end this.