The Moments I Play in the Dark

IV - Slow motion, I'm watching our love

Author's note: This is the new chapter which also happens to be the penultimate one. I hope you guys like it! 

FOUR

'Slow motion, I'm watching watching our love'

'Alfie has asked me to marry him.'

The words ring in Fern's ears and echo in his mind quite loudly. Of all the things he had expected, this isn't it. Or perhaps, he had expected but hasn't had the courage to let himself believe it was a possibility – after all, it's the same man that she'd told him many moons ago not to worry about.

The night is long and Fern spends it twisting and turning in his bed. He finds himself unable to fall asleep as his mind runs freely and without intent of stopping. He feels tired, drained even, in all aspects, and wishes he could just rest even for a few hours, but he knows that sleep is unattainable tonight.

He hears Ela's words in his mind again, and it plays like a blasted loop. And he hates himself for thinking it, but he knows that this is much worse than realizing she has fallen in love again. It's much worse because there is still a part of her that might still love him but she's willing to settle for less than love again.

The image of Ela marrying Alfie, of her walking down the aisle, wearing a white dress with an enchanting smile on her face, looking so breathtaking that it literally hurts him, keeps popping in his mind, and it kills him, even when he knows it's only his own thoughts that's doing this to him.

But it's hard not to think this way when he's supposed to be that man. It is difficult when he's the one who's loved her first, the man who had loved for as long as he can remember. It's hard not to feel pain when they'd been there once too, when he'd had the chance to marry her but the stars just didn't align for them and they'd had to go their separate ways.

It's hard when his heart still beats for her, when she's still the only one he loves.

It isn't fair, although he knows he no longer has the right. He doesn't get to be hurt by this anymore, he shouldn't be, and he knows it. It's already been ten years and by all accounts, they have both moved on, so he knows that he can't be this hurt over the news that she's possibly marrying Alfie. But he is, and it does hurt him. It fucking does, and every moment he spends thinking about this feels like torture.

He knows it's not fair. It's not fair that he's still so hung up on his ex-fiance when he has someone back at home waiting for him, patiently, has loved him for the better part of the last ten years. It's not fair that he cannot bring himself to love her the way she loves him or the way he's loved Ela all these years, but he cannot tell his heart to love as much as he cannot tell it when to beat.

Loving Ela is second nature to him – even when ten years have passed, even if it takes twenty. He's sure that he'll always love her.

So what does he do now that she's marrying someone else?

He's not sure.

He just hopes that the morning brings the answers.

.::.

Ela is not entirely sure it's right. She's not sure she has done the right thing by telling Fern that Alfie has proposed to her and allowing him to believe that she's engaged when it isn't entirely true. While it's true that Alfie has proposed, the same cannot be said about their supposed engagement because she hasn't even really said yes yet. That's why she's in Verona actually, because she'd rather travel thousands and thousands of miles away from home rather than give a straight answer to a pretty much straight forward question.