Out of Your League

Chapter 11

How I got back to house, I have no idea. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to my screeching alarm with a pounding headache and as I headed down to breakfast, the stairs seemed to spin slightly. Belle greeted me with a loud, cheerful hello, clearly her attempt at controlling the school yesterday afternoon had gone well. That was lucky, I knew that Evianna had been trying to oppose her, but honestly, Evianna's family status and smiles just couldn't compare to Belle's scheming and polite threats.

I didn't respond to her hello and went to get myself a cup of tea. When I got back to the table, she pouted at me and was annoyed I'd ignored her, but when she saw my expression, she immediately changed her irritated expression to one of concern but also curiosity. After I'd given a brief overview – simply that I'd fought with Ed and had gone out – she walked off, only to return with an enormous stack of pancakes drenched in golden syrup. She knew me well. Obviously, I couldn't not tell Belle the whole story complete with all the details, she would force it out of me but I was slightly reluctant, feeling that I should tell Ed first.

As I told her the story, she looked sorry for me, but also told me I had been an idiot. I could, however, tell that there was a small part of her that was gleeful – gleeful that she was the first to find out the biggest gossip and gleeful that maybe we were going to be single again together. All I knew was that I had to talk to Ed. As soon as possible even if it would be one of the worst conversations of my life.

*****

As the day went on, I continued to avoid Ed. I felt guilty, I was an awful, awful person. In chapel, when he tried to catch my eye, I deliberately turned to Belle to talk to her and at lunch we were both walking back to house and I could see he was just in front of me, so I slowed to avoid him noticing me. But, as the afternoon turned to evening and the sky darkened and stars appeared I knew I couldn't ignore him anymore. I had received multiple texts that started off worried and apologetic and turned defensive the more he sent, and I knew it was time I finally accepted that I was in a relationship and I couldn't bail just because we'd had a small fight so I sent him a simple text telling him I was coming to Perkins to talk.

I approached the door, not sure whether he'd got my text or not, only to find him waiting in the entrance for me. Then, he opened the door and opened his arms wide and as he enveloped me, he murmured to me:

'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it at all, you know that, you know I completely disagree with my parents about this, about us. Lets just forget this, please,'

'Ed,' I tried to pull away from him but he just kept apologising, 'Ed,' he still didn't listen. 'Ed, I... I was so upset last night that I went out and... and...' how could I do this? I would break both our hearts, but I had to be honest. 'I kissed someone else,' I blurted, hoping that if I said it quicker, it would hurt less. He immediately backed off.

'You what?' he said, as if not wanting to believe me. I opened my mouth to repeat it, even as I hated myself for doing this, but he held up a hand. 'No, I heard you... I just... I don't get it,'

'Ed, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, it was stupid mistake and...' Shaking his head, he bit his lip and rotated on his heel, ready to walk away from me.

'I should've expected this, honestly I'm surprised we even lasted this long,' A flicker of hope rose inside me, was he saying that he could get over it and forgive me? But then he walked away, away from me and away from us. Just before he reached the stairs, he tilted his head towards me as he shook his head at me in disgust and said:

'We're done,' then he sauntered up the stairs, trying to make me think he didn't care. I should chase him, I should plead and apologise until he forgave me, but... I couldn't make myself do it. This was punishment for my mistake and I deserved it. So I let him, and as I walked out the door, that small flicker of unrealistic hope inside of me went out, and so I embraced the darkness that surrounded me.

*****

I hated it. I hated it. I hated it.

I thought that I wasn't defined by who I was dating but ever since Ed and I broke up, I'd been a mess. Every day, we managed to bump into each other, and people say it gets easier with time but for me, for me it didn't. When George and Belle had broken up, deep down, I'd thought she was being slightly pathetic but now I understood even if I wished I didn't. No longer did I spend my time laughing and drinking, I only lay in bed and ate and binged Netflix. Even people who only read articles about me in magazines were messaging my Instagram asking why I hadn't posted? If I was less upset, I would have been ashamed. Even planning the next Truth and Lie Brigade gathering had lost it's fun.

Belle was sitting on bed one day as I moped over Ed, it had been a while and she was clearly getting frustrated with me so finally she blurted out what she'd been keeping bottled up because she felt bad for me.

'C, my heels are higher than your standards so I'm sure you'll find another boy soon,' And I'm not going to lie, it felt nice to have someone finally treat me like they had before the breakup and not tread on eggshells around me worried I would cry at any second. And what she said to me actually made me realise that letting Ed walk away was an enormous mistake and I need to stop being awkward and try and win him back. I didn't want to settle for any random boy now, I only wanted one and I needed to get him back.

After my realisation, time seemed to pass quicker. I no longer lay in my bed watching the minutes tick by wondering what I was doing with my life. I had a plan. I had a purpose. I recruited Will to help me, to let me know whether Ed missed me and how much persuading I would need to do in order to convince him to get back together with me. I'd thought about asking George, but then I'd pinched myself and shook my head. What had got into me? I must be severely sick if I was thinking about asking George for help – he would just casually lean against the nearest object with his hands in his pockets and smirk at me and not answer a single one of my questions.

Will had told me that Ed was missing me to, he said Ed was moping around and no longer any fun to hang out with. This was good news for me – it meant I had a chance. So, I began planning and putting every cell of my brain into perfecting my chance. Because I know I only had one chance to do this right.