She will be mine

Time of the month ...

Ymir rolled to her side, her chest rising and falling rapidly with each quick breath. Her short hair was loose and spilled on the pillow with a few strands sticking to her damp forhead.

Her lips were curved in a satisfied smile, and she rested the back of her elbow against her forhead as she tried to calm down and regulate her breathing. 

After she managed to cool down a little, she realized it's a bit too quiet in there. So leaning on her elbows, she turned sideways to look at the pale girl besides her who was curled into herself quietly. 

Oh no, not this again... 

"Hey, are you okay?" Ymir asked, already knowing the answer. "Are you seriously going to ask that every time?" Mikasa answered dryly. 

And there it was. 

"Mikasa ..." Ymir started, putting a hand on her shoulder, but her hand was immediately shrugged away.  "Don't you fucking touch me," Mikasa spat out, "Why the fuck would you think it was a good idea? You're such an idiot!" 

Ymir flinched, her gaze dropping to the sheets with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled.  "Yeah, like that helps." The girl besides her said harshly and sat down, her legs hanging from the edge of the bed.

"That's so fucked up..."

"It's not like you weren't into that..." Ymir started, only to stop when she was met with a murderous glare from her girlfriend. "You think I was into that?" She snorted. "You're fucking delusional. We had that conversation a million times before, you're supposed to know that I don't want this." 

Ymir sighed, fisting her shaking hands. They did this every single time, and it was exhausting. They have sex, Mikasa starts feeling bad with herself, and Ymir has to deal with all of the frustration being directed at her.

Why did that even surprise her? She should've gotten used to it by now.  So why did it always hurt..? 

"What do you want me to say?" Ymir asked.  "Nothing." Mikasa said bitterly. "I don't want your fucking apology, and I don't give a shit if you feel guilty. This, what happened here," she gestured between the two of them, " This is disgusting, you, are disgusting. You need to leave."  Ymir fought away her tears with every fiber of her being, keeping her expression blank.

Without providing response, she stood up, taking her clothes from the floor and putting them on thoughts all over the place . When she was done, she walked to Mikasa's door and twisted the handle, opening it.  "Wait."  Ymir stopped her actions, turning around with her eyebrows knotted together in confusion.

Mikasa looked hesitant and regretful, her hands fidgeting nervously.  "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean it... You know how I get... I just feel like shit." Ymir nodded. "I know," she said quietly.  "I love you," Mikasa said, pursing her lips together. Ymir inhaled deeply, calming her nerves.

This apology always came, but it came earlier this time. It usually took her girlfriend longer to come around and apologize, and the fact that she calmed down so soon gave Ymir hope . "I love you too," she said with a small smile. 

Her ringtone broke it off her haze. 

As the flashback faded away, Ymir quickly checked her phone. Her ex was really like a calendar– unblocking her every month on the same exact date and calling her on the same exact hour, and that was Ymir's only chance to catch up with Mikasa before she blocked her again. 

And yes, she knew quite well that there was nothing healthy about it. But it was like an addiction– she couldn't stop.  With a sigh, she answered the call.  "Yes?"  "...Hey Ymir ," Mikasa's voice came from the other side of the line, and though Ymir had been expecting this, it still almost made her drop her phone.