Confidentiality of the Heart

Confession

Have you ever read those romance novels where the soldier and nurse fell in love? You know the ones; where the naive and handsome soldier was injured in a major battle for some terrible but just war, and was transferred to a hospital far from the fight. While recuperating, he met the idealistic and sometimes annoyingly stubborn nurse who patched him up. Of course when they finally came to terms with their feelings, the soldier was shipped out to the front lines. You know, to build drama and all that nonsense. Then, at the end of the war, when all thought he was deceased, he returned to her and asked for her hand in marriage. 

Doctor Karin Chakwas knew all of those types of novels to heart and could probably recite a few from memory alone. You could say it was her guilty pleasure. That’s why, embarrassingly as it was to admit, it was the main reason why she joined the military.

You see, those stories inspired her to experience her own exotic and romantic adventure, hoping to find her own rough, but kindhearted soldier along the way. Unfortunately, the Alliance was not as romantic as she had originally perceived it to be. From the liberation of Shanxi to the Skyllian Blitz, she saw firsthand what conflicts do to those kindhearted soldiers she used to desire. Those she was able to save were broken physically or mentally and in the extreme cases, both. The lucky few that were either unscathed or unfazed from the dastardly truth of combat, left her alone without even uttering a goodbye. So she grew up, focusing more on her skills as a doctor and her career.     

But that was before she had met him. Before she met Shepard.

If Chakwas was being honest with herself, she does not know when exactly her feelings blossomed for the Commander. Perhaps it was during the time when he saved the galaxy from the hands of Saren and the Reapers’ annihilation. It could have also been before then, when they lost Kaiden on Virmire and he desperately needed a shoulder to cry on and she granted him hers. Hell, it could have been when he first introduced himself to her as far as she knew. She probably would never know when exactly she became head over heels for her commanding officer, but she does know why though.

For you see, Commander Shepard had accomplished what others before him did not. He came back to her. She knew how ridiculously simple that sounded, but the act, as simple as it was, charmed her. She had seen many possible lovers gone without even sparing a passing glance at her. They do not even send her a courtesy email after sharing a passionate night. Shepard was different, completely unlike those mistakes before him. 

Even now, as they do their final preparations to assault the Collector’s base, he still made time to visit her abode to see how she was faring. Can you believe that? Facing constant absurd odds, staring unflinchingly at deadly foes, who wants nothing more than to tear you apart, and what was the first thing he did when he returned from a mission? He headed straight to her little spot on the Normandy to converse with her. It would be hard for anyone not to feel something at these acts. 

But alas, she knew it was not made to be. Not only was the doctor old enough to be the Commander’s own mother, but she also knew he was quite entangled with a former crewmate of theirs; the hot-tempered Ashley Williams. She had seen the look that donned his face whenever the chief was to be mentioned around him. Hurt for she had not believed his words on Horizon, then whimsical for remembering the short time they had shared, and finally happiness for he was still in love with the female marine.

Chakwas wished them the best of luck with their relationship and hoped they would mend their differences soon. She truly meant that. They are an adorable couple and she could already hear the wedding bells ringing for them. She just wished that the naïve and jealous woman in her that yearned for their type of relationship did not bring its ugly head back as it did.