We sat on the couch in silence like most times now. The television wasn't on and we were just looking at our hands because we couldn't stand to look at each other any more. We used to be different before he changed and I realized he wasn’t the same any more. His smile was nonexistent now and when I looked in his eyes all I saw was dark, looming sadness. He's been my boyfriend for six years now.
“Derek, I think we need to talk,” I said breaking the everlasting silence. He just looked down at his hands and nodded solemnly. He couldn’t even look at me anymore. We were just strangers now, our relationship nothing but a ghost haunting our memories. I hated that empty feeling, we would take turns sleeping on the couch and never eat meals together for about a month now. I felt so empty and alone all the time now. Even the air around me felt colder even though it was spring time and warm out.
“I know, it’s over Danni, I’m sorry,” he said getting up off the cream colored couch and walking out of the living room. I stood up and followed him into his bed room, it wasn’t ours any more. Nothing was ours any more. It was either his or mine, we didn't share any thing any more, not even words or feelings.
“Why couldn’t you just get help?” I asked putting my hand on his shoulder to stop him. He flinched and pulled away from me. My heart dropped and I knew at that point it was shattered into pieces, lying by our feet on the shaggy carpet of his room. I felt like the white walls of his room were closing around me, trying to suffocate me. I couldn't stand it anymore.
He turned around with an angry look on his face, “it’s pointless, all those therapists care about is the checks they get in the end, my depression doesn’t matter to them,” he said. His voice was getting louder as he said this but I wasn’t going to cower in front of him. I wasn’t a weak little girl. I wasn't going to let him walk all over me and try to prove his dominance to me.
“You ruined everything, our relationship, our friendship,” I said with anger in my words. I’ve bottled all these emotions up for so long that they finally just burst out of me. Hot, angry tears came to my eyes and I tried to push them away. I knew my tears would show weakness. I couldn't let him know that I was weak.
“It’s not my fault that you wouldn’t marry me and you didn’t want kids, so really it’s your entire fault,” he screamed at me. His words always got under my skin but I wouldn’t let them this time, I was done. Usally i would beck down and walk away but not this time. This time I would stand up for myself and fight my own battles.
“I’m sorry that I’m not ready to get married and have kids, you knew what you were getting into dating someone four years younger than you. I’m sorry that I don’t want to be married at twenty-two and have a baby,” I said angrily. I wanted to stomp my foot like a little kid but that would just show that I was young a naive.
“I knew you were a mistake, you were too young to be with me, and you weren’t even legal when we started dating. I thought love could conquer all but I guess I was wrong,” he said with venom in his voice. That stung a little because he practically just said he didn't love me any more.
Looking into his blue eyes all I saw was coldness, unlike how they used to be filled with love and joy before. I refused to back down from him; I wouldn’t let him win this battle. He’s won too many before but not this time.
