Harry Potter Imagines

Fred Weasley - Nightmares (pt 1)

TW: Nightmares

You woke to the feeling of something moving against your arm. Rolling over in bed, you saw Fred's arm twitching against your own. His hair was stuck to his head, and tears slid down his cheeks, soaking the pillow.

"Fred?" You shook his arm gently but he showed no sign of waking, tears continuing to leak from the corners of his eyes. You leaned closer to his ear and raised your voice as you said "Freddie, wake up!" His eyelids flew open and you watched as his face changed from a display of sadness to a closed book: jaw clenched, eyes downcast. You were still holding his arm where you'd shook it, your thumb gliding up and down his clammy skin. This happened at least a few times a week, and Fred was always embarrassed. You never knew how to convince him that there was nothing to be ashamed of, that you wanted to help him work through it.

"It's ok Fred, it happens to all of us." You said softly, placing a light kiss to his shoulder.

"I don't see you crying in your sleep y/n." With that, Fred shook your hand off his arm and got up from the bed, grabbing a pillow. His hair was messy, sticking up at the back, and his cheeks were lined with tear-tracks. The sight felt like a weight in your stomach. "I'll sleep on the sofa so I don't disturb you." He refused to look you in the eye.

"Freddie, please don't. Stay here, I want you next to me." You watched as his posture softened almost imperceptibly. You shuffled across the bed, making your way to the edge he was standing next to. Kneeling in front of him so that you were face-to-face, you cupped his cheeks gently in your hands. "Please." You pressed your lips to his, and he hesitated before responding. After a moment his lips moved in time with yours, just like you were used to. This felt right. This felt like home. Your hand moved to take the pillow back from him and he didn't resist as you removed it from his grip, placing it on the bed. Breaking the kiss, you moved to your side of the bed to give Fred room, and he silently climbed back in, lying to face away from you. You pressed your body against his back, arm holding his waist tightly. Your lips pressed soft kisses between his shoulder blades and you felt him relax into you.

"I love you Freddie." You whispered to the darkness.

There was a long pause, almost too long, and you felt your insides tightening before you heard his sweet reply.

"I love you too y/n/n."

–

Nothing had been the same between you and your childhood sweetheart since the war. You felt like you were treading on eggshells around him, always trying to say and do the right thing so you didn't make his sadness worse. As far as you knew he hadn't spoken to anyone about what he'd been through, his near death experience. And yet you knew it haunted him every time he closed his eyes. You wished he'd open up to you, let you help, but he never did, and every day you felt more and more unsure of whether your relationship would survive like this.

For four consecutive nights Fred had had nightmares. There had never been so many in a row before, and you couldn't think of a reason why they were getting worse. Logical or not, the twist in your stomach was undeniable as you were awoken for the fourth night in a row. You didn't understand: time was supposed to bring healing, not this repeated agony. You just wanted Fred to be ok, wished there was something you could do to help. At least you'd always been able to convince Fred to stay in bed with you where you could hold him - always, until now.

"Y/n, we can't keep doing this." Fred's eyes were bloodshot as he sat up in bed, you sitting next to him, hand resting on his thigh. "It's not fair on you."

You squeezed his thigh in an attempt to reassure him. "Fair? I don't care about fair Freddie, I just want you to be ok. Do you- do you maybe want to talk about it? About your dreams, I mean?" You desperately searched his face for a sign that this would be the night he'd let you in, but instead he let out a dry laugh that made your blood run cold.

"It's not your problem. It shouldn't be your problem y/n." He shook his head, staring down at his lap and fiddling with the duvet that lay messily on top of you both. Almost to himself, he repeated "It shouldn't be your problem." You felt your eyes start to sting and you furiously blinked the tears away.

"I want to share everything with you Fred. Everything. That means good and bad, don't you get it?" You took hold of his hand, tracing patterns on it with your thumbs as you silently urged him to look at you. He didn't. "We're a team, we're supposed to deal with this together."

"Y/n, I love you, but Merlin," his voice cracked with a sadness that you were only used to seeing while he was asleep, "I don't think I can do this anymore." Your thumbs stilled against his hand, thoughts freezing and then playing at high speed. He can't be- is he breaking up with you?

"You don't have to do this alone." Your voice was breaking too but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. Fred chose not to respond, instead standing up without turning to look at you. Somehow you knew, knew that this time he wouldn't come back to bed.

"I'll stay with George while I figure this out." He was almost at the doorway, you still in bed. Him still not looking at you. What were you supposed to do? How could you fix this? It seemed that he'd already made up his mind, already built his walls to be impenetrable. You stopped thinking logically, all you knew is that you wanted as much time with him as he was willing give you.

"Can you- Can you just hold my hand Freddie? One last time?" Finally his eyes met yours. Finally he was seeing you, not just looking but seeing: what you were going through, how you'd been hurting too. How this would only hurt you more. But would it be enough to make him stay? He stayed rooted to the spot.

Tentatively you placed your feet on the floor, pushing yourself up from the bed. You were still looking into Fred's eyes, willing him to keep seeing you. One foot in front of the other, slowly, as though you were afraid to spook him. The only sounds in the room were your light footsteps against the hardwood floor and the sounds of you and Fred breathing. After what felt like an eternity, you reached the doorway where Fred stood. Your faces were inches apart, breath mixing in the air between you. Neither of you dared look away, dared move your faces apart, but you didn't move them together either, stuck in this twisted limbo. You moved your hand forwards, fingers reaching for Fred's. Finally they grazed his skin, and it was like the spell between you had been broken. He clasped your hand tightly, then held the other one too, before crashing his lips against yours. You let out a slight moan against his lips, all the feelings you'd been bottling up coming to the surface. This just spurred him to deepen your connection, kissing you harder, tongue flicking into your mouth. You lost yourself in him, this man who you'd known for so long and yet sometimes felt that you hardly knew at all. This man who you loved. This man who you wanted to stay. That thought brought sense back to you and you broke the kiss, heavy breathing filling the room.

Your hands were still holding Fred's, afraid to let go. You rested your forehead on his, searching his eyes. You built up the courage to ask the question you weren't sure you wanted to know the answer to.

"What- what did that mean?"

Fred gulped, pulling his hands away from you and retreating further into the doorway. Your heart was thumping, and you had an overwhelming urge to cry or scream or fall to your knees as Fred spoke the words that broke your heart.

"That was goodbye."