Project Orpheus: A Tale of Blood and Feathers

Chapter 3: The Lawyer

Michael did not like physically seeing Dr. Noh. She was a pale, tall woman with the sort of eerie blue eyes you might hear about in a ghost story peering through a window at you. She always wore the same blue shirt, the same jeans, the same lab coat, and when not actively engaged in showing an emotion had the same weird smile on her face. One that managed to be nothing but condescending and unpleasant. Add all of this to the horrible melted burn scar on the left side of her face from "a lab accident", and she just was not only unsettling to look at, but actively unpleasant.

She was not, however, unpleasant to talk to. Noh and Michael shared many things in common, not the least of which was a dedication to their field. The two had met some years ago when Noh needed a lawyer to inspect her facility for OSHA violations and the two had bonded over their shared love of their work and old Japanese Kaiju movies. Pretty soon each one was getting the other interested in their field.

Now she has once again sought him out, but insisted their conversation be held in person, in private. He stroked his beard as she finished explaining the insanity that was Project Orpheus and the contract she had drawn up to have him double check.

"I can't believe this," he said, "I can't believe you actually caved to the guy, I can't believe you wrote a contract this crazy, and I can't believe he agreed to sign it."

"I honestly think he expects nothing to go wrong at all because he made a nature preserve once," Noh chuckled. "That and he thinks taking all the blame will make him look tough and confident in the project. I could be wrong though, I swear I don't know how that man thinks."

"But all liability? For everything? Even things provably connected to the genetics of the creatures?"

"It's very convenient," she assured.

"Yes, I'm sure it is. But it's also not necessarily going to fly." He said, taking out a pen and circling the specific clause where Noh put the blame for any issues caused by the genetics on him.

"Oh?" Noh said, a look of mild surprise on her face.

"Yeah, contract law has stipulations that say any contract that is deemed too excessive by a court can be nullified. Honestly he probably let you get away with this, and the language you put it in specifically, so that he could come back and pull the rug out from under you if you did ever try and use it."

"Clever ass." Noh sighed, scratching briefly at her scar, eyes slowly going up toward the ceiling, before turning her attention back to him, "so what do we do about it?"

"Well, firstly, I'm going to rewrite this to make it more sensible. I can trust you not to genetically insert murder genes into these guys, right?"

"I only promise to try."

Michael laughed, a bit of a snort coming along with it. "Try not to, or try to?"

Noh just shrugged, with a blank look on her face for as long as she could hold it, before she started to laugh.

"Of course I won't. I'm not stupid. I already have structure testing in place to cover for any unintended consequences. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe there is nothing inherent in genes to the creature that evolved them The gene for jellyfish bioluminescence is not inherently jellyfishy, carrying over jellyfishness to whatever it happens to be inserted into. It simply allows for proteins to be produced that, when in contact with oxygen, creates light."

"Right. Like those people worried about putting antifreeze genes in tomatoes. That's not how it works!"

"Yes! Yes, oh my god THANK you!" Noh said. "See, this is why I'm glad I have you, Michael."

Michael nodded. "Right, well there's one other thing."

Noh leaned forward in her chair, her neutral expression returning. "What's that?"

"I should probably look at the place. Give it a once over, make sure everything related to you is in order."

Noh sighed. "Ah, Michaaeeel, you're killing meeee..."

"Not your lab, just the actual park. The things you want to show to the public - the things likely to hurt innocent people. I get a look at those, I could easily write up something that not only covers your ass, but keeps him from playing stupid games."

"I suppose it would also be good to have a compliance inspection. Just to make sure everything is above board. I'd hate for OSHA compliance of all things to be what brings it down."

"Right," Michael said with a smile. "So, I can count on you to get Chester to agree?"

"Oh, trust me, I can." Noh said. "You leave that to me. We'll make a whole big event out of it."

She said. The two shook hands in agreement, and that was that. Noh got up to leave.

"Wait, before you go," Michael called. "I got something for you."

Noh raised an eyebrow as she turned to face her friend one last time. "Oh?"

He handed her a plain white box, with a single flap holding the top of the box shut. He grinned as she gently removed the tab and opened it up, taking out the figure within - a figure of a black and green creature with red and yellow eyes, with teeth lining the insides of them. The creature was obviously made of goop, which seemed to drip from its body - a quality the figure caught well. He stood in front of a podium, with a paper hanging from it reading the words "I apologize for nothing."

"Did you really somehow manage to find this?"

"Yes. Lawyer magic."

"You realize this stupid thing is going on my desk, don't you?"

It wasn't often he saw genuine, unbridled joy on the face of the doctor, but it was always a pleasant experience when he did.