D.R.E.A.M (Semishira)

Official?

Shirabu:

Semi hadn't moved a muscle; he just silently stood and hugged me as I cried. When was the last time I cried? When was the last time I had felt so open? Vulnerable? Lower-guarded? I hugged Semi tighter, "I'm sorry," I muttered again. Finally, Semi broke the silence and laughed a bit, "listen, you are an idiot for blaming yourself," I buried my head in his chest again, "but it technically is my fault..." I mumbled again; he took one of his hand of my back and face-palmed himself, "technically, or whatever shit, in the end, it was my choice," he patted my head, "and that's why you are here." I finally look up, he smiles, I notice something off again, but smile a little anyway. I let go of the hug and look at him, "you need to take a shower, and I'll give you the things you need, plus your shirts also wet." I say. How did I cry so much? I watch him fold his hands and look down, as I go into the storage room and grab a white towel, then run to my room to grab a sweatshirt and black trousers. I run downstairs and mutter, "here," not looking at him, "at least look me in the eye and say it, Kenjiro" he replies- I look at him and mutter, "here," again. He grabs my hand and kisses me again, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it, the feeling of his soft lips against mine, the slight lingering scent of vanilla... but I sensed hesitation and pain too...He breaks the kiss, "your face is a tomato," he said literally, and ill-literally, I glanced at the mirror that was about parallel to me, my face was a flustered mess, "s- shut up," I said. "Do you how to act like a tsundere? I mean you just broke down a while ago-" I interrupted him, "just go to the bathroom!" I sort of shouted, "okay, okay, I'm going," he said shrugging and walking up the stairs, but I can swear I noticed his voice change...

---------------narrator (Shirabu)-----------------

Shirabu sighed and leaned his head on the wall where he had pinned Semi before. His thoughts kept racing back and forth, he knew something was wrong with Semi, and as much as he wanted to confront him with this thinking, he stopped himself. He had great observation skills, like how he knew Semi self-harmed; the thing that currently was on his mind was how Semi was acting when he opened up about his past, how his hands were trembling, but then stopped. How his voice got a little lower. How his eyes had an odd glassy tint to them. How he smiled... One could never easily escape that much trauma, losing many people, being abused, and god knows what that abuse even was?! He kept thinking, he knew how it felt surviving a plane crash, watching people run around, screaming- he knew the guilt of surviving. He knew how it felt when you say your "over it,"... you subconsciously are not; and even though you may be happy- feel happy, that subconsciousness will eventually drag you down...  He knew this, he knew how it felt to be held in the thick cloud of heavy guilt. He quivered under his breath, how could he possibly help someone with such a troubled life?

Semi:

I can't shake the irrational feeling of being outside my body; like sometimes I just feel as if I am not me; like sometimes I feel like I see myself doing those things from a different person's perspective, like when I was in Shirabu's embrace, I wanted to scream and say no, I'm not fine... but it felt as if my body restrained to do that... I was done with the shower and was putting the sweatshirt he gave me on, I looked at myself in the mirror, did I have to b the one to survive? Like, look at what I'm doing with my life? It would have been better if someone else survived, at least they won't waste it like how I did... I look at my reflection, I wanted to just shatter the mirror so bad, I don't know what I'm exactly feeling right now... I can swear I felt happy a few moments ago, and now what is this, sorrow? Pain? Anger? What is it? I look at my reflection again, my eyes looked glassy and tears threatened to fall... I stare at reflection and force a smile; only to receive a sight of myself with tears rolling down their cheeks while forcing a smile, what is wrong with me? I tried to restrain myself from going to my jacket and grabbing the small green tube which contained the razor... no. As earlier as if I had no command over my body, I rolled u my sleeve and placed the razor over my left hand with my trembling right hand. Cut. I watched as the blood ran down my hand and dripped into the sink, I take one look at it and find myself smiling... am I a masochist...?  I stayed quiet and looked at my forearm... the pain felt good... it felt as if my problems were washed away. I look at the wound and realize my mistake- shit. I fumble around the drawers searching for bandages, careful not to make too much noise; I open the drawer below the sink and find them, I quickly fumble and put it on, then roll down the sleeve. 

The last thing I want is Shirabu worrying about me again... I smile again and wipe the tears off my face, and slide the razor into the pockets of the trousers, knock. Knock. "Semi-san? Are you done?" I hear Shirabu's muffled voice ask, I pick my clothes up along with the jacket and unlock the door, seriously, the last thing I want is for him to know about this.

Shirabu:

As soon as he opens the door I sense something wrong, other than the fact that the sweatshirt revealed his stomach every time he put his hands even a bit up, I watch him stutter a bit, "u- uh- can you tell me where you kept my bookbag?" he asks me, I try to sound as "undisturbed" as possible and reply, "near my room." I watch him go and disappear in the room, I guess I'll just have to play along with the thing until I know what happened.

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Thank you for reading~ OwO